30 Day Pray for your Spouse Challenge

I wish I had thought about posting this earlier in the week, but better late than never!

A couple of years ago, my campus pastor's wife gave me a couple of sheets of paper. We were in the middle of a group marriage study, but she told me these pieces of paper were full of ways I could pray of my husband for 30 days.

I remember thinking initially "well, I'm already praying for him." But as I read through each daily prayer topic in private later, I realized how much more specifically I could be praying for my partner.

I embarked on a 30 day prayer journey, without telling my husband.

I lifted him up daily to the Father.

Praying over him with great intentionality.

And God answered.

Not overnight.

But over the course of these past two years, it's been amazing to see such progress in each & every topic unfold in the (spiritual) life of my precious husband.

I'm ready to do it again.

But not alone.

I'd like to partner with other sisters in Christ.

Remember - There is SO much power in prayer!!

Through prayer, we give thanks, ask for forgiveness & even seek protection for our spouse/marriages.

There is an evil one in our world - the devil - who the bible reminds us wants to steal, kill & destroy.

BUT, God intends our marriages to THRIVE.

And to reflect the gracious, selfless, sacrificial relationship between Christ & the church.

How BEAUTIFUL that is <3 span="">

So let's commit to daily, intentional prayer this month.

We started on Thursday, March 15th, but you can absolutely join us now.

Simply add me as a friend on Facebook HERE & send me a message to join the 30 day prayer challenge!

 I'm so excited to hear how God is going to work!!

Ghoens Family #TBT

One of a million #TBT posts I could share, but I love this one. Not only does this photo reflect a change in myself, but one in Nate & us as a couple.

Between then & now, I've become a better woman, friend, daughter, sister & wife.

Nate is a better man, leader, son, brother & husband.

As a couple were better listeners, forgivers, servants, friends, lovers & partners.

And God gets all the glory.

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." Matthew 6:33

#MarriedLife #MarriageIsAGift #SeekHIMFirst

Praying for Your Husband, Day 6 & Thoughts

I've been praying through a 31 Day series from my pastors wife this past week and have been heavily burdened that I NEED to share this with my fellow sisters in Christ. 

Part of the charge in Proverbs 31 to us as women is to do good to your spouse.. To BLESS him. And what better way to do that than to PRAY over him?

We can do nothing more loving for our spouse than to surrender them daily to the Lord Jesus who loves him more than we ever could.

That being said, here is praying for your husband, day 6:

Lord Jesus, I pray that Nate will love righteousness and hate wickedness., especially the evils of our culture. I pray that he will recognize and AVOID wickedness in his own life, and if (WHEN) necessary, take a clear STRONG stance against evil. Thank you for your promises, Father. Amen

Proverbs 27:12

"The prudent sees danger and hiss home self, but the simple go on and suffer for it."

John 17:15

"I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one."

1 Corinthians 10:12,13

"Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will NOT let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."

Amen!!! Ladies, PRAY this prayer and THESE scripture specifically for your men ❤️

Gods promises are good and He is so so faithful to care for His children. Remember though to fight  {DAILY} in PRAYER for your husbands heart to be guarded as loves you and leads your home.

The bible clearly tells us in Ephesians 6:12 "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood enemies, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places..."

We aren't wrestling in prayer for our husbands mental purity to guard against Victoria Secret ads, ill-intentioned co workers & an aggressive pornography business. We're fighting ultimately against Satan, who would love NOTHING more than to destroy your husband, destroy your marriage and use each of you to dishonor God and keep your from Him. 

Our battle each day is a very real, spiritual warfare. Be on your guard ladies.. Fight for your family, fight for your husband,  protect your children. If we choose to surrender and live a life with an absence of prayer, we are just WAITING for destruction.

There is POWER in prayer. There is power in Jesus' name. There is peace and abundant promises in a life that honors the Lord. Why are we NOT straining for a life of devoted prayer each day?

This is a challenge for myself.. And a challenge for each of you ladies who love and trust in Jesus & want to be the wife He has called us to be. Seek Him out today ❤️

Love Fights Fair: Notes from the Love Dare

I've been SLOWLY working thru the Love Dare since the start of December, and by slowly I mean one chapter every couple of days.

It's been such a humbling experience that's challenged me by uncovering so many of my prideful and selfish downfalls as a woman and wife, when I originally planned to use this as a tool to fix Nate and I as a couple. (HA)

Each chapter (day) discusses a topic about what love IS.. actively. Love is a verb. It's a choice we make in marriage every day.

Oh man.. I could go off on a tangent here about the excuse people use for ending a marriage because they simply fall in and out of love. The truth is, we DO. We are imperfect people, loving imperfect people. If love is simply based on circumstantial emotion, feeling and opinions then you better BELIEVE your feelings of love will fluctuate. But we can't choose to start OR end a marriage based on that alone. It's like building a house on a foundation of sand!

This is what sets God's solid institution of marriage apart. We are imperfect people, loving each other through our faults and imperfections to ultimately glorify God. Marriage REFINES us as individuals, putting us in sometimes HOT, fiery places that can make us BETTER if we seek Him though it. We will stand firm and come out stronger, because we started with a proper foundation.

A loving marriage can last a lifetime if you CHOOSE to love unconditionally. Guard your heart. Base your love on commitment for life, rather than fleeting feelings. If YOU pursue a true agape love (the Love of Christ) towards your spouse, then phileo and eros love (that of friendship and sexuality) will follow!

I digress :) Back to my journal notes from today's dare about fighting fair..

If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand. Mark 3:25

Love reminds us that our marriage is too valuable to let it self destruct. And that our love for our spouse is more important than whatever you're fighting about.

Love PROTECTS our "one-ness." It reminds you that conflict can actually be turned around for good and result in greater unity- not less.

Fight clean. Establish rules of engagement as a way of protecting each other.

There are two types of boundaries: WE and ME

We: rules you BOTH agree on that apply to any fight. Each has the right to enforce if broken.

example: NEVER mention the word divorce. Avoid bringing up past resolved issues.  No fighting in public or in front of children. Call a "time out" if escalating to a damaging level. NEVER touch each other in a harmful way. Don't go to bed angry. Agree that FAILURE is NEVER an option.

Me: rules of personal practice.

example:

I will listen before I speak

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:9

I will deal with my own issues up front and apologize first if needed

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? Matthew 7:3

I will speak gently and keep my voice down, lacing speech with love

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

Fighting FAIR means changing our weapons, disagreeing with dignity & building bridges instead of burning them down.

LOVE itself is not a fight, but it's always worth fighting for!

Be challenged to discuss healthy rules of engagement with your spouse and resolve to abide by them. If your spouse if not ready, you must still do this yourself.

Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Romans 12:16

I hope this speaks to your heart, like it did mine.

Date Night: Dave Ramsey Edition

Date nights, or days, are something I look forward to and cherish each week. It's a chance for me to get out of the house, which is a big deal since I work from home & can EASILY go 5 days with out leaving our Ghoens compound, AND it's fun, quality time with my sweetie. Our date nights are typically pretty simple, but we usually do something twice over the course of a weekend.

Around Christmas time, we felt that God was laying on our hearts to do more and be more proactive with our finances. I've always been pretty frugal, giving & savings focused when it comes to our finances, but we still spend a lot each month of things we don't track (Amazon Prime, lunch/dinner, wine, new gadgets). Although the way we're living is very comfortable and widely accepted as "normal," I'd consider us to be living paycheck to paycheck. Not because we have to, but because we choose to. We make a conscious choice to choose as little or much to save or spend depending on our day to day, week to week or month to month whims. I'm not saying that's bad, but we sensed a need for change.

I'm pretty familiar with Dave Ramsey not just because of his presence as the author of the Total Money Makeover, but also Entreleadership (a personal development book for my business). I'm also an avid podcast listener, so I enjoy tuning into his "channel" and listening to his advice or opinions. I know several people who are in the middle of his Total Money Maker, but figured we were on the slower, "funner" track (insert LOL). 

After asking Nate to learn more, listen in with me & having many, many discussions, we decided that this might be our next step as a family. Financial discipline and PURPOSE.

We sat down and looked at my very organized expenditure list. We discussed our budget for personal spending (groceries, gas, dog food, date money, etc) & did the math.. We were SHOCKED to see the $$$$ that was left over each month that we've been ALLOWING to disappear.

Then.. we did the math on how long it would take to use that money each month (+ the money we won't need in our savings/emergency fund anymore) and snow ball our debt.. "Nate, we could pay off my CAR {that we just upgraded to} in APRIL.... and we could pay off your student loan this year too! ....and have our big kid emergency fund done by next summer or sooner." Our jaws dropped. 

The most convicting part of our conversation was that we could tithe CONSISTENTLY and continue giving as we have been and be just fine. Wow. Just wow. All of those scattered Sundays of giving back to God- because we've actually been selfishly indulging. NOT strapped and stuck at 5%. This is my flesh speaking.. my desperately wicked heart revealing selfish humanity. All this time, we had Jesus on a budget, rather than ourselves.

So we set out to start immediately. To prioritize our finances and map out our game plan. 

1. Jesus

2. Cost of us & dogs living

3. Debt snowball

4. Date night

5. Individual fun money

While this process isn't always easy and stress free.. I feel peace knowing that we're honoring the Lord, focused less on materialistic things & are setting ourselves up for a future of SUCCESS.

"If you live like now one else now, one day you CAN live unlike anyone else.."

Intentionality leads to freedom.

You inspired yet?? Shoot..

Okay. So my post was about date night and you had to read all of this first? Yeah. Sorry I'm not sorry!

So while date night is not high on the priority list in regards to how much it's fed from our budget, it IS high on our priority list in our relationship.

We decided to keep it that way, but get creative! We wanted to spend time together doing lots of things we enjoy, while remembering to keep it simple and enjoy each other more than anything else.

So we came up with our date night jar.

* artwork courtesy of my sweet husband and myself*

 We filled this jar with date ideas that we could do at home or somewhere else. Ideas that cost $ and others that don't. Things that we've been meaning to do, but make ourselves too busy to enjoy.

Each Friday, our plan is to choose one of these and make time to do it over the course of the weekend.. Please note and laugh at the date suggestions that we will not be partaking in until we complete our 60 day challenge (His: Hammer and Chisel// Mine: 22 Minute Hard Corps).

I LOVE this idea because it's simple and special. I love that this is something we can do now as a couple and one day with our .... kids (possibly).

I challenge you to consider a date jar or family fun night jar.. even if you aren't on the Dave Ramsey train. Make your spouse and family a priority and focus on the quality of your time together instead of the bells & whistles #preachingtothechoir .

Until next time, friends!!

Thankful

I was feeling a little emotional one morning very recently thinking about the freedom I have in my life right now.. How drastically different my day to day routine is from last year.

👗 I don't go TO work anymore, so I no longer dress up or put on makeup unless it's the weekend.

🚗 I go days at a time without leaving the house or driving my car.

⏰ I don't set an alarm clock unless I have appointment or DECIDE to get up early to work.

For most of us young folk nowadays.. That's kind of crazy, right??

While it's been a HUGE mental transition, it's been the biggest blessing!!

I ❤ spending each day with my fur babes.

I ❤ being able to greet my hubby when he comes home from work.

I ❤ that I have fewer selfish focuses everyday when trying to 'get ready for work'.. Aka brush my teeth and walk to the office.

Guys...

📍I haven't had to take a sick day or juggled paid time off since this summer.

📍I haven't missed out on one important family moment.

📍I get to live.my.life.by.design...

Who WOULDN'T want to work towards that?!

So later on that same day, the emotion continued when Hubby walked in my office and called me his sugar momma & congratulated me and my team on our accomplishments 🙈🍦


You'd giggle, but it actually got me a bit choked up... Coming home to work a non traditional business wasn't something widely celebrated or understood last summer.. So having the ONE person who's opinion matters, who's also my constant cheerleader, acknowledge that it's paying of makes me SO proud!

👉We're giving freely of our time and resources.. Sponsoring a boy in Haiti, volunteering and participating in local ministry opportunities.

👉We're spoiling each other a bit for Christmas..

👈We're making BIG life plans that make me nauseous, scared and excited all at once.

And it's in part because of my business with Beachbody.

For a long time, I was the only thing in my way.. And I just wish I had started his journey sooner. So friends.... MOVE OVER and take your life by the reigns. Use the gifts and talents God has given you to make a difference in people's lives and change.your.circumstances.

If you need me, I'll be over here counting my blessings and thanking Jesus 😊
If🙌

To learn more about what I do as a health & wellness coach, email me at lindseykollar@yahoo.com or fill out this application here.

Beauty in the JOURNEY

Ever scroll through photos & reminisce in gratitude on the beauty throughout your journey? 

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I used to be a frustrated newly-wed feeling self-conscious, discouraged and "stuck." I settled into my circumstances because I forgot what it was like to dream & dare. I depended on my spouse for my happiness, which led to resentment and sadness. That was then.. Fast forward a bit.

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I found an incredible opportunity in network marketing as a health & wellness coach last fall & now spend my days helping others. I am FINALLY confident. I am a dreamer. I KNOW that I serve a great purpose. For the first time in a long time, I truly believe in myself. The person in the left photo couldn't have typed those words.

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Because of this opportunity with Beachbody:

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I am no longer chained to a schedule.

I am planning for our future family.

I have confidence in my own skin.

I feel purpose in my work of helping people.

I am experiencing freedom on a daily basis.

I am an entrepreneur.

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This journey has transformed me from the inside out & has been one of our biggest blessings as a couple... finding like minded friends to surround ourselves with. Becoming healthier so we can affect our families through our own example. Finding a level of financial freedom that allows us to spend more time on our relationship doing things we've alway wanted to! We're so grateful & now it's time to pay this forward!
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I’m starting an online New Coach Mentorship training in a couple of weeks. During this training, I will personally mentor you on a daily basis and provide one-on-one encouragement as you learn the ropes. I will teach YOU how to create a thriving business.
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I have 5 mentorship spots available. So, if you want to be considered for one of the spots for my November training, fill out this questionnaire & I will send you some information. 

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Know someone who may a good fit? Send them to this post! This could DEFINITELY change the course of your family's life like it has for us.

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Questionnaire Application Link HERE.

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I can't WAIT to work with you!!

~Lindsey

**This is not for current coaches. Please do not apply if you are already working with a coach**

 ** Beachbody does not guarantee any level of success or income from the Team Beachbody Coach Opportunity. Each Coach’s income depends on his or her own efforts, diligence, and skill.

Statement of Independent Coach Earnings which can be found in the Coach Online Office.

Transformation Tuesday: A Picture of Surrender

I get a little emotional looking at these photos that were both taken RIGHT before our 2nd and 3rd deployments. I changed so much between these two distinct times in my life- as a woman and a wife.

Let me take you back to November of 2012, to the photo on the left. I was barely 22, Nate was newly 30. We had been married a little over two years and had spent probably close to 11+ months of it apart. I was working in a position that was I wasn't passionate about, felt like I had no clue about what I would do with my life long-term, was TOTALLY insecure about my body that was about 20 pounds heavier than it is now, frustrated in my marriage because of our inconsistencies in communication/arguments about family, stressed about finances & really just didn't feel like myself. There, OF COURSE, were lots of happy moments sprinkled in here and there, but it was certainly a time during which I felt very insecure. I can tell you for certain that the majority of our issues came from a lack of surrender to the Lord and poor priorities.

Flash forward to November of 2014. I'm 24, Nate is 32. We're married a little over 4 years and still by no means marital experts. By GOD was working in our lives.. both together and separately. We were involved in our church, we were making steps towards healthier relationships, we established boundaries with our families, we had clear financial vision for our future, I found one of my PASSIONS by joining Beachbody, I created a healthy lifestyle and got my sexy back losing 3 pant sizes, I felt more confident intimately with my husband-- I felt renewed. We still weren't communication experts, in fact we had a small argument on the way to take those photos (HA- keeping it real),  BUT we were LEARNING how to resolve things quickly and that pursuing peace was better than being right.

Each year, we face new challenges.. I'm actually writing this blog now as a BALL of stress while having to remind myself to trust in the Lord's faithfulness. And each year, we have more triumphs. Our marriage is such a joy in my life- it CHALLENGES me to be a kinder person, a more forgiving partner, a stronger woman, a more compassionate friend, an increasingly faithful christian.. always learning, growing and changing. 

My #transformationtuesday isn't because of anything Nate or I were able to do solely on our own. It's because we finally trusted Jesus with our wants, needs and desires. We submitted to His will and surrendered ourselves to be used according to His purpose. 

You will find the most beautiful transformation when you ask Jesus to lead you.

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33

Marriage: Happy or Holy ?

My Sunday morning life group is dedicated to the growth of married couples. It's been a place that I have been both humbled, inspired, challenged and grown.. both on a personal level as an individual & as a partner/wife in my marriage.

Joining the life group a few months ago, I caught myself thinking that I may not be challenged enough in an environment of nearly and newly-weds (because I have a *cough* whopping 4.5 years under my belt). I also caught myself thinking that maybe I shouldn't be going to a biblestudy for married couples when my husband was literally about to walk out the door for a seven month deployment... I mean, wasn't this for couples?

Let me answer this: no & no... definitely not.

I was quickly humbled as I was gently reminded that you never reach an ultimate destination in your marriage. You never reach a place of "happiness" where you are automatically graduated into a class of marriage experts. Our marriage is about a journey- INCLUDING the ups and downs. Our marriage is about HOLINESS. Happiness is a temporary state.. do we really want our marriages to be centered around a temporary state of emotion? I sure don't.. What a calling and challenge it is to view your marriage an opportunity to glorify the One who created you.. the One who brought the path of you and your spouse together. Now THAT is a purpose.

When we're at our best, our words, thoughts and actions should be glorifying the Lord. When we're at our worst, our words, thoughts and actions are a reflection of God's faithful love and forgiveness. Even during the difficult times, God is glorified when we seek Him through the process of being reconciled to one another. He can be glorified at all times.. the good, the bad and the ugly.

We strive for holiness not happiness when we begin to fulfill our God given roles in marriage. As we individually begin to act in obedient response to our biblical calling as a spouse, God is glorified and will bless your marriage beyond measure. Be the spouse you are commanded to be, not out of the expectation that your spouse will "fall in line," but rather that God will find favor on you as you honor Him with a holy heart. Even if you are a PERFECT partner in your marriage, but are doing it so that your spouse will feel obligated to do his or her own part, you STILL have some work to do on your heart, my friend.

A couple of weeks ago, my life group was studying our biblical responsibilities through the text of Ephesians 5:22-27.

"22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless."

 Boy do people freak out when they read the words "submit" and "head of" in Ephesians; I can admit that I myself have harbored negative feelings towards this text in the past.

I realized though through the study of these verses that the challenging call here is to husbands.. Submission may seem like quite the daunting task, but God ordained leadership is a HEAVY responsibility. Let me share with you some of the notes I took from my class that day that really spoke to my spirit.

Let's first define these two concepts by their synonyms given by merriam-webster:

submission: yielding, surrender, resignation, defeat, subjection, compliance

gosh.. no wonder it seems terrible!.. we'll come back to this.

leadership: control, management, supervision, supremacy, power

Okay, so reading these and making application to the verses above is ROUGH. If that's what Godly marriage is all about, who would want it? Fortunately, merriam webster doesn't define our marital roles.. God does. And when we think about how He compares the dynamic between a husband and wife to Christ and the church, it is clear that there is another definition of our roles.

Let's re-define these two concepts by their synonyms given by God through-out scripture:

Godly submission: humility, meekness, obedience, trust, acceptance, yielding

Godly leadership: guidance, teaching, gentle instruction, responsibility, initiative, accountability, SERVICE.

Did I just use service as a synonym of leadership? I sure did. God commands those in leadership to serve others rather than reign over them.

Mark 10:42-45

42 Jesus called them together and said, “You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them.43 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 44 and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. 45 For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

This is a beautiful picture when both husband and wife are acting according to God's will in marriage.

You might be thinking to yourself: well, I am a believer, but my spouse is not.. am I still supposed to submit to his leadership? Yes. Although it will not be easy, live our your calling as a Godly spouse and let God take care of the rest. It is not our job to change the heart of others. It is our job to display the love of Christ through our actions. Trust in God's sovereignty and place the heart of your spouse to the Lord.

Here are my thoughts on this text:

Christ manifested His love for us by sacrificing Himself. He led by example and through service. He was a humbled teacher and rebuked those who were wrong gently. Christ made Himself accountable for our sins as a way to reconcile us to God. Christ lead in a way that others submitted to Him willingly and not out of obligation or coercion. Husbands are ultimately responsible to "cleanse her with the knowledge of the Word."  As a godly husband and follower of Christ, if your wife is not submitting to your leadership, you are not loving her properly. Start with loving service and you will earn a leadership role in her heart.

The church submits to the Lord out of love and affection. We, the church, submit though trust, service, and respect.  Submission is hard under improper leadership, but it is our calling. Ask God to give you a heart of submission. Godly wives: trust your husband, support him and treat him with respect.

Regularly evaluate if you marriage is "measuring up" to the model of Christ and the church.

Righteousness > Being Right

Don't submit for leadership..

Don't lead for submission..

Act in obedience and glorify the Lord. Living this way provides a life of purpose.

Seek holiness in your marriage. You'll be amazed to see that happiness will follow you in your journey.

Blessings, Lindsey