"So Are You Going to Have Another?"

"are you going to have another yet?"

Who else hears that all the time?

Whether directly from well meaning strangers and friends or that voice inside your head as you scroll past baby 2,3 & beyond baby announcements on Facebook and instagram.

Can a family unit really be complete with "just one?"

Can your heart or body not pause to relish the life of a single child before adding to the mix?

I KNOW I've asked this question before to others.

It's almost one that rolls off the tongue without thought.

And while there's nothing wrong with wondering & asking (if you feel connected to the individual because yes, I don't believe we should be asking these questions to strangers), I DO think how we respond to that mother is important.

We have no clue of their reason for the "wait."

And quite frankly, it's none of our business.

Whether chosen for various very valid reasons - such as dad is ALWAYS gone & mom would like to rear a family together or maybe they'd like to pay off debt or take time to work on their relationships or possibly mom had such horrid pregnancies that wreaked havoc on her body.

Or what if the "decision" was chosen FOR the parent because of something like secondary infertility, not being able to afford the means by which it took them to conceive previously or quite possibly, even, they are "just" content.

I will be very open with where I stand personally & I will also say in the same breath that God is in control and could change my (our) heart at any moment.. as He did back in 2015 when he took our hearts of stone towards children and gave us the desire for a family.

I too feel the self imposed pressure from watching other families unfold in number, reminiscing over my childhood with siblings & even listening to Raegan begin to ask questions about babies. I have to work through that.

I get the questions with follow up questions with encouragement & all the reasons we should "do it" at social events and family gatherings.

I'm there with you.

And while sometimes I feel the "guilt" for my only child who honestly isn't missing out on any love, interaction or community. Or the "guilt" knowing that others are earnestly pleading with God to start a family while I have reservations over growing ours, even though I've BEEN there in that season of waiting & grieving before myself.. aching for a womb that is full. I pray we never experience that again. And I truly am so sensitive to couples who are enduring this season.

I am, however, reminded that I.. Lindsey Ghoens.. in my specific circumstances.. am living out my purpose.

As a child of God & wife.

Then as a mother.

Of one.

And I am walking in obedience as I rest in contentment.

Only He knows what the future holds.

I'm okay with that <3 span="">

xo, Lindsey

I am 1 in 4

I am 1 in 4.

I’ll never forget the pure, inexplicable happiness when I saw these two pink lines.. a total out of body experience.

It was the culmination of so many feelings and emotions from months of trying, waiting, tracking, stressing & disappointment with each period.

I soaked it in myself. Then shared it with Nate. We were over the moon.

About a month later, those dreams and plans we were building came crashing down as I miscarried our first baby. It was physical & emotional agony. A kind of emptiness & sorrow like I had never experienced before. I felt so alone. I was crushed.

What happened next was a season of leaning into Jesus as we navigated grief & battled fear as we tried again to conceive. I had to come full circle to the deepest belief that even if _____, He is still good & He is faithful.

Without that devastating loss, I wouldn’t have my precious Raegan. And while that doesn’t take away the sadness I still feel when I let my mind & heart reminisce, it does give me peace & the deepest deepest gratitude for my miracle babe.

God alone brings beauty from ashes.

If you are grieving, know you’re not alone.

Your pain and your loss is real.

But the One who made you, can also comfort you in a way that can restore your soul.

Cling to Him, sister!

To read the beginning of my three part series on our miscarriage, click HERE.

Our Birth Story: Told From a Husband's Perspective

every time I read this - I get choked up.

Mommas, you know it's one thing to remember one of the best days of your life through the lens of your own memories. But my gosh - it's another thing to experience it all over again through the recollections of your husband, who was your partner, biggest support & ROCK through the most incredible bonding experience.

Nathan, thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to write down these precious moments - I will cherish them forever.

I love you.
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" I will never forget the feeling the day I first saw my sweet Rae on the ultrasound. The first time I saw and heard her heart beat was like the “shot heard around the world”, in that, every ounce of my existence suddenly became aware of her existence and I knew from that moment forward my life would never be the same. The magnitude of responsibility that lay ahead and the mental and emotional gravitational pull to her is something that is unexplainable but, I can say this, my heart felt in cadence with hers and my mind started racing to walking her down the aisle on her wedding day and how I would be an emotional wreck to give her away.

Fast forward 7 months…

We are back at the OBGYN to see our midwife, which has been our normal weekly routine for about 5 weeks. Lindsey is 2 days past her due date and I am sitting outside the fetal monitoring room where the door remains closed if other patients are in there, which I hate because I can’t see my baby momma and I feel helpless. Then, the door to the room opens and I see the nurse come out first with a look of haste on her face and Lindsey right behind her, eyes wide open. Lindsey says to me “I think my water broke!" The next moment was like drinking 10 cups of coffee within seconds, my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest and my hands were shaky. I had to do my best to contain my excitement because this is an everyday occurrence for these nurses, but for me, it was the start of an event that I knew would change my life forever! Well needless to say, I couldn’t contain my excitement. Part of me was ready for the nurse to say go to the hospital that little girl is on her way, but they didn’t; so I stood by anxious and nervous for the plan ahead. Lindsey and I left the OBGYN and headed toward the house.

Once we got home Lindsey, continued with her workout routine, and I am thinking, this woman is amazing! Her tenacity and dedication to a healthy pregnancy was admirable. Following her work out we decided to go to one of our favorite spots for lunch, The Donut Hole. We had to make this meal count; it was our last meal as the two of us and I knew I needed to pack in the calories because it was most likely going to be a long night. Throughout the course of the day, I am asking myself when these contractions are going to start - it’s nearly 2:00pm and nada…nothing. With a full belly we finished up lunch and headed home. I finally convinced her we should lay down and take a nap, since we needed as much rest as we could get for the arrival of our sweet girl, which to my surprise, she agreed to. I think we woke up around 4 something and still no real contractions, at this point I am beginning to think this girl is never coming. As Lindsey was getting up she received a phone call from her friend and I took that as an opportunity to go over my notes that I had taken from the litany of books we had read on pregnancy and the birth process. From my time in the military I have always heard the phrase “fail to prepare, prepare to fail” and I took that to heart, as this was our first child and we were going to be laboring at home. What was I thinking you might ask? Not sure! But I knew that if Lindsey and I were working together in this we would be fully prepared mentally and physically. My notes covered the 3 phases of the birth process in detail, outlined the symptoms of each, timing of contractions, how long each phase should be, what I should do in the event of an emergency and whatever information I felt pertinent to be the best husband throughout this process. Around 5:15, I can see Lindsey beginning to get uncomfortable while she was on the phone with her friend and she motions to me that she may be having a contraction. I quickly make my way to the bedroom and whip out my phone for the birth app to start timing her contractions. The first contraction was nearly 40 seconds long and according to my notes, this wasn’t supposed to happen until the second phase - all the while Lindsey is still talking on the phone not skipping a beat. The second contraction comes at 5 minutes, again first phase is supposed to be 20-30 mins apart; I thought to myself “am I missing something, I have to be doing this wrong?” At this point I had to literally force Lindsey off the phone so we, moreso I, could focus on what was happening. After the second contraction I texted Lindsey’s mom to give her an update and told her that things were progressing so she may want to start heading this way. Sure enough, Lindsey’s third contraction was about 5 mins apart and 40 seconds long. I was asking myself - what happened to the first phase! Then I told myself, “It doesn’t matter Nate, you are in the moment now”. I immediately jumped into action, rubbing Lindsey’s back, neck and legs like we had practiced so many times before (all Lindsey requests). Over the next three hours Lindsey’s contractions were faster, longer and more painful. Fortunately, Lindsey’s mom came over to lend a helping hand and we followed Lindsey around the house to the point where she had to tell us to give her some space. But like a moth drawn to a flame, I couldn’t leave my wife’s side. I stayed an arm’s length away to avoid any unintentional contact, but close enough to rescue my damsel in distress. I couldn’t believe how fast the contractions were coming and how long they were lasting, so I made the decision to load Lindsey up in the car when her contractions were 2:15 apart.


It took no time loading Lindsey and our pre-packed prepositioned bags up for the 40 minute journey to the hospital. Every step of the labor process the realization that this was actually going to happen was coming to fruition, I had run the driving scenario in my head many times before - what to do in the event the baby comes during the drive, where the bad traffic spots were, that we needed to call the hospital en-route. Fortunately, every light in Panama City Beach was green. But Lindsey’s position in the back seat was causing more pain during the contractions than standing had, so she kneeled down on the floor and rested her head on her moms’ shoulder while I was Dale Ernhart-ing my way through traffic. Lindsey kept saying she felt pressure on her pelvis and I thought for sure we were going to have that baby on the floor of the Tahoe. I was slightly freaking out on the inside but we made it to the hospital with no baby in hand. We pulled up to the front and I hoped out and got Lindsey and asked her if she wanted a wheel chair. I should have known better than to ask that question, her response was simply “no” and I realized that right before my eyes I was watching Lindsey morph into my very own superwoman - and superwoman has no need for a wheelchair. As we made our way up to the second floor, she paused every couple minutes to calmly fight through her contractions. We finally make our way up to Labor and Delivery and began to check-in. As we were checking in, of course, Lindsey is breathing her way through contractions and the nurse at the check in counter seemed to be in no hurry to get Lindsey checked in - all the while I am weathering the greatest internal storm I have ever fought. It reminded me of the sloths at the DMV in the movie “Zootopia”. In what seemed like forever but was only a few short minutes, we moved to our room where I was anxiously waiting for the nurse to come in and check to see how dilated she was and monitor Rae. To my amazement she was only 5cm which meant we had 5 more to go. No big deal, we got this!


Lindsey’s contractions were becoming more intense and her entire body was shaking with each passing contraction. By this point I was stuck to her like velcro, massaging her back and legs and using our 8 sec breathing technique loud enough for her to jump into cadence with my breathing. I knew how important it was going to be for Lindsey to stay hydrated and keep her sugar levels up during this physical, mental and emotional labor process, so in between contractions I offered her lots of water and apple juice and received guidance on the areas that needed massage attention. Lindsey was extremely active during labor…walking around, switching positions and standing - but once a contraction was setting in it took her full attention and all movement stopped. The way she focused on not fighting her contractions with her body and breathing through them was like she had done this 100 times before, it was incredible! The room we were in did not have a bathtub, which Lindsey wanted the option to labor in one to ease the stress on her body, and was roughly 2 hours later before we were moved to a room with a bathtub. It turned out the walk to the other room was exactly what Lindsey’s body needed to catapult her into the last phase of labor.

When we got into the room and Lindsey positioned herself on the bed, the nurse came back in and checked her dilation and she was now at 8cm… the nurses were as surprised as I was at how fast things were moving. It’s hard to describe how time passed during this process. On one hand it was slow and on the other hand time seemed to slip away (I am sure Lindsey’s side is a bit more intense). I was so focused on Lindsey and being proactive to her needs that my mind was not on the near birth of Rae but on the task at hand. Now that we had access to a tub, Lindsey wanted to try and relieve some of the pressure so we hopped in the bath but she found little relief. From the time she got out of the bath and made her way back into the room she had 2 or 3 contractions causing her to stop each time. I could tell the contractions were becoming more intense, her legs were beginning to tighten and give out as she battled through each contraction - she shifted her weight tirelessly to find relief but with little effect. Lindsey had returned back to the bed, with the back of the bed raised to keep her upright as she rested her elbows on the top with her knees were pressed into the bed. The contractions were coming hard and fast, so I ran over to my back pack and grabbed 3 scriptures verses on a note card I had written down to remind her of how awesome and powerful God is and that she needed to draw strength from Him. The position Lindsey was in on the bed was the most comfortable position for her during the contractions, but this position was causing Rae’s heart rate to drop significantly so she was forced to lie on her side bringing Rae’s heart rate back within acceptable limits. As she transitioned to her side, the pressure and pain increased. Up until now, Lindsey had truly embodied “suffer in silence,” but she still barely made a sound. The midwife and nurse were taken aback by how well Lindsey was handling and managing the pain and her body during labor. I was none the less amazed, my superwoman was before me!

The time was now at hand to bring sweet baby Rae into the world! Lindsey was on her side, the Midwife was in the catching position, the nurse was on her right side administering oxygen and I was on her left side holding her knee in the air and breathing with her as she began to push with each contraction. I kept reminding her that God had created her for this, to focus on meeting our sweet girl for the first time and to keep her eye on the prize - and she did just that. She pushed for 45 mins, never once taking her focus off of her purpose and the sweet life we were bringing into the world. As Rae made her debut, the cord was wrapped around her neck - which it turns out was the culprit for causing Rae’s heart rate to drop before. Rae was silent as she entered the world and was placed on Lindsey’s chest. The nurses scrambled to stimulate Rae, but something wasn’t right; her color was off and her breathing was labored. My heart was in my socks and I didn’t know what was happening, but the nurses were extremely professional and calm. The Midwife asked me if I would like to cut the cord during the controlled chaos and I thought to myself “how about you take care of my daughter and don’t worry about me..” But I rushed to cut the cord because I knew questions would only slow things down. They took Rae from Lindsey and placed her underneath a heat lamp and began using a machine to remove fluid from her lungs. The door to the room opened and a nurse came in carrying two huge red bags and headed straight for Rae. I didn’t know what was happening. I was trying to remain calm for Lindsey, but couldn’t take my eyes and my thoughts off Rae. Things seemed to calmed down, but since they had to place Rae on the machine, they were required to take her to the NICU. I followed her back and I was praying to God that he would take care of this situation, and He did just that! Once she arrived at the NICU a nurse came to her side quickly and rolled her to another machine. She observed her for a few minutes before placing any equipment on her (if any equipment was placed on her mandatory 24 hr in NICU). The nurse said that whatever was happening after she was born up until now - she didn't see any more signs of breathing or fluid issues. “She is free to go” - Praise God! My ghost-like appearance from the anxiety and uncertainty began to take on a more lifelike resemblance. I was beaming with excitement as I floated down the hallway to tell Lindsey the great news. We greatly anticipated the arrival of our third wheel (Jk) and Rae showed up about 20 mins later - we were united as a family of 3. I knew from that moment forward that my job as a husband and father, to tend and keep my garden (Genesis 2), was at hand.."

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I hope you enjoyed reading this half as much as I did.

If you'd like to read my personal natural birth story, click here & here!

Thanks for stopping by!

Things I Didn't Know Before: Pregnancy

Welcome to our FIRST "Things I Didn't Know BEFORE" blog post.

Today's topic is pregnancy.

Please know before you continue reading that this was a joint effort - from myself & my readers// followers. It was not created for any other reason than comic relief, solidarity & a smidge of empowerment + awareness.

Due to the nature of this post, I'd like to say to all of my dear friends who are TTC, healing from loss or battling infertility - I'm PRAYING for you. Remember, God is faithful. He will complete your family in His perfect way & in His perfect timing.

________________________________________

Ahhhhh pregnancy.

A surprise to some.

The emotional or physical sporting event of a lifetime for others.

The moment you pee on that stick & see those double lines, plus sign or that POWERFUL 8 letter word.. life, as you know it, changes forever.

And so begins the adventure that will change your mind, body & heart in ways you quite literally NEVER imagined possible.

I was one of those some might call obnoxious who absolutely LOVED being pregnant.

My husband & I tried very HARD for a baby, lost our first in miscarriage (read about that here) & then conceived again after with our now miracle baby who is 6 months old & prepping for college as I type this.

I savored it ALL.

I rubbed my belly CONSTANTLY.

I blogged WEEKLY after I made it through the first trimester.

I made the infamous weekly photos with the baby's fruit size equivalent.

Aside from some intense nausea + puking the first several weeks, I had a seemingly "easy" & uneventful pregnancy, physically.

Emotionally & mentally, there's a battle that lingers for EVERY mother who has ever lost a pregnancy. But that's another post for another time.

Today's post is to chat about ALL the things I didn't know before.

Isn't it funny - we do our research on HOW to get pregnant.

We prepare on HOW to give birth.

But what about those months in between?

Well, I've learned that NO amount of reading quite prepares you for pregnancy.

Because, it's the season of life in which ANYTHING goes.

Abnormal hair growth?

"oh that happened to me too.."

pregnancy.

Crying during a laundry detergent commercial?

Yep.

pregnancy.

Vomitting triggered by the stench of stuff you actually like?

ahhhhh..

sweet pregnancy.

No doubt - we all have our stories.

Each one unique to mommas & their babies.

Some utterly difficult & some "rainbows & butterflies."

At the end of the day, we were all so privileged to carry our children.

And they are ALL sweet miracles.

But here's the nitty gritty.. hilarious.. embarrassing.. TRUTH

The things we DIDN'T know before

PREGNANCY.

________________________________________

1. fatigue

Carrying a baby the size of an apple seed doesn't seem like it would require much effort, right?

WRONG.

It's AMAZING how something so small could have such a HUGE effect on your body & your mind in this way.

But when you think about it - your body is growing, nurturing & helping develop a tiny HUMAN. Girl, your body is WERKING.

So be prepared to be tired.

Initially it'll likely be 24/7 in the first trimester that you feel this inexplicable tiredness. I remember the first several weeks of my pregnancies, falling asleep ANYTIME I got in a horizontal position. Maybe even just reclined.. Whether that was at 6:30pm in bed or 10am on the floor next to the dogs - mama was OUT. Comfort, blanket & a bed were totally UNNECESSARY for sleep.

Later on in pregnancy, it'll get better.

You might even get a "surge" of energy!

Then, that all too familiar feeling comes back towards the end. But fortunately at that point you're either so large & uncomfortable or your baby is so big & won't stop moving that you can't sleep it off if you wanted to.. you're not missing out! 

People poke fun & say things like "Oh, you think you're tired now. Just wait until the baby is born." And while there's some truth in that annoying statement - the pregnancy fatigue is most definitely real. I think the fatigue we experience in pregnancy is God's way of easing us in & preparing us for the first couple of months with a newborn.

Hang in there, mama.

You'll sleep again one day!

2. heart burn

And you thought only dragons breathed fire.

Nope to the nope.

There's no other way to describe pregnancy heartburn than with that analogy.

What's weird-er.. pretend that's a word..is the fact that the triggers are totally RANDOM & change often.

Peanut butter?

Yogurt?

Eggs?

Water?

Air?

The stuff you probably ate all the time before without issue..

It's so odd, y'all.

I remember wanting so badly to avoid medication during pregnancy - I tried EVERY natural remedy in the book for heartburn. Unfortunately, none of them worked consistently. So I caved around month 8 when it got out of control & tried tums. Turns out that tums don't really work either. Should've never caved.

Fortunately, my heartburn came in waves for the majority of my pregnancy. Only the final 6 weeks seemed more constant or really intensified during sleep.

Found a natural remedy that worked for you though?

Better drop it in the comments!

3. not all rainbows and butterflies

So my pregnancy was WONDERFUL. Aside from a rough first trimester, the anxiety from experiencing a miscarriage previously & the normal difficulties throughout, my experience was without extreme issue. I loved my bump & can't wait to do it all over again one day.

That being SAID..

This is NOT everyone's experience.

I think it's important to have appropriate expectations - to remember what your body is going through & what it's accomplishing over the course of these 40 weeks. Mindset really matters. And embracing the process. It's not going to be easy or comfortable, but it can still be wonderful!!

But, for a "lucky few" - it doesn't matter what they do or believe. Pregnancy is simply brutal on their bodies. Nausea & vomitting from day 1 to delivery is the reality for some women, my poor older sister included.

So, if you're having the rainbows & butterflies experience - cherish it.

And if you know a friend who is.. NOT.. take her a meal, buy her a pedicure certificate & send some encouragement her way!

4. pee

HoMyGah.

Forget trying to snag a great view - you're picking seats now for BATHROOM proximity.

Oh & your favorite side of the bed? You better make sure it's closest to the toilet. Because you're going to have to pee ALL the time & with progressively less notice as that precious bean of yours decides to kick or POUND on your bladder.

Embrace the 10 bathroom breaks at night - find some reading to help you get back to sleep each time. Better yet, practice any birthing visualizations, relaxation techniques or breathing to get sleepy again.

And maybe - just maybe - grab a panty liner for back up.

If not for accidental pee leakage, then for the insane amounts of *I'm so sorry but I'm going THERE* discharge you might be noticing in your britches.

5. nipples

You thought I was going to talk about sensitivity, right?

While that is SO true & you might just swat your fella for even having the THOUGHT of touching your boobs - I'm talking about another boob topic here.

The millions of ways our bodies prepare for birth & the care of our baby (specifically feeding) is nothing shy of incredible. But MAN, some - errr many - of these changes are NOT sexy.

Obviously your boobs are going to change as they prepare to feed, right?

^^This is to be continued^^

But your NIPPLES?

And your areolas??

Oh yes.

Prepare for your world to be rocked.

And take comfort knowing it's NOT just happening to YOU.

Blogs are for over sharing, right?

I can't believe I'm getting this personal.

But here we go..

I remember at one point during pregnancy Nate started referring to my areola/nipple region as pepperonis. And not the little ones you put on pizza either. "You know, the deli sliced size."

I DIED the first time he made that joke.

Why?

Because it was SO true.

Think DARK & the size of saucers!

But you know what's AWESOME??

Your body does this so your newborn can easily find your breasts to latch!

#AMAZING

And.. they go back to "normal," believe it or not.

6. oozing

Let's continue with a variation of our last topic, shall we?

As you near the end of pregnancy, be prepared for some oozing or other forms of "leakage." Sexy, right? Haha

I promise you're not falling apart.

It's yet another sign of preparation for feeding that baby.

(kind of amazing though when you think about it..)

You guessed it,

You will PROBABLY leak colostrum.

And it MIGHT happen much much sooner than you'd expect.

So if you find wet spots on your shirt/bra or see little droplets when you're changing or getting out of the shower - don't be alarmed.

While you probably won't need any breast pads for protection, you might need to make sure you bra up as a barrier the last couple of months.

7. stranger danger

While this is an important topic of mental + physical preparation for ALL mamas-to-be, it is ESPECIALLY pertinent for the expecting introvert.

When you're pregnant, you will become a MAGNET for people's eyes, conversations & HANDS.

More on that last part later..

Be prepared to deal with & work through that stranger danger.

Because the rest of the world thinks that pregnant women know no strangers.

But this pregnant woman begged to differ.

Either put on your blinders & become a speed walking ninja everywhere you go (better yet, wear earbuds ALL the time) or prep a few short key responses.

Just know, it's coming.

#bringontheanxietymeds

8. advice

I'm pretty sure that people love talking about nothing more than their own experience with pregnant women.

I mean, heck.. I'm writing this friggin blog post, right!?

Not quite the same since you're choosing to read it.

BUT advice - you know, the unsolicited, don't care or did NOT need to know kind - is abundant, my dear.

Don't be afraid to tune people out or say "thanks, but no thanks" while you're mentally preparing for birth or parenthood.

It's A-OK to filter what you're taking in, as an effort to master + maintain a positive mindset.

9. plug

Plug? WHAT plug?

Oh yes.. you have a plug.

And you're going to lose said plug.

How many times can I type plug in a minute..

I'm going to have you google "mucous plug" in another internet window & proceed with caution.. especially if you're going to view images.

Then come back to this post & join in again.

Not everyone gets the "joy" of seeing their plug when it's lost, which is typically a couple of weeks to days before labor begins. But some of us, myself included, do.

So if you're using the bathroom, showering or changing your undies & see what looks to be some sort of mucous.. it is. Still confused? Like, your V just blew her nose in your pants.

*did she just type that?*

Gross, I know.

BUT - it's SUPPOSED to happen. And it's another sign that your body is gearing up for the big day!! Eww.. I mean, YAY! haha

10. hormones

I still haven't decided which are worse, pregnancy hormones or postpartum hormones. Let's just say they're BOTH super intense.

Hormones causing you to cry.. errr SOB.. during commercials or while folding baby laundry are the SAME hormones leaving you ready to murder your spouse for the smallest thing.. like, leaving the store without one of the TEN important must haves you've had a hankering for. Bless their hearts.

You're not a basket case, mama. You're just pregnant.

11. Dat nose

Prepare to be impressed with yourself.. again.

Girlfriend, your sniffer is going to develop SKILLZ - like, the equivalent to a team of cracked-out blood hounds tracking a scent.

I kid you not.

You'll be able to smell what your husband had for lunch five days ago - what the walmart staff brought for their lunch & put in the break room from the CHECKOUT line - & all of the "unscented" items in your home.

The overload of all these scents can be a lot though.

Beware of NEW things.

And beware of familiar things becoming repulsive.

One Saturday morning my husband was opening up some coffee beans to grind & brew, note that I LOVE coffee, but the literal INSTANT I smelled it, I threw up in the sink. 

It's the weirdest thing.

This combined with nesting - stay tuned - produces the cleanest house everrrrr.

#findallthedirt

12. time flies.. or it crawls

One day you're counting down the days, just imagining what it will be like to have your due date right around the corner.

Then, you'll hit the point where you count the number of weekends you have left before baby & you'll PANIC that there's not enough time to tackle your to do list.. or to have dates with your spouse.. or sleep in (well, try to).

THEN, you'll hit your final month of pregnancy.

And while most months of the year have between 28-31 days, your last month of pregnancy has approximately 453.

It's the my odd experience to feel like you've time warped & also that the moments stand as you anticipate baby.

13. that MOP though

If there was ONE thing I could physically bring back from pregnancy (besides the cute bump & feeling baby kicks, obvi), I would HANDS down want my hair back.

You should google it so you know the exact science behind it all, but basically you stop shedding like you normally do while you're pregnant.

What does that mean?

CUE THE VOLUME, GIRL!!!

..like, shampoo model status.

For reals.

So soak it up.

Becauseeeeee the portpartum hair LOSS sucks.

But those 9 months of leading up to it - they're GLORIOUS!

14. oh it's "NORMAL"

I kind of joked around this in the beginning of this post, but it couldn't be more true. When you have symptoms, feelings or experiences from conception until birth - do NOT be shocked when you google it & it's SOMEHOW a "normal" or potential side affect of pregnancy.

And I'm not just talking about normal stuff.. but off the wall things.

It's funny if you don't stress too much.

Laugh about it & write it down so you can remember it all later!

(seriously, it would be HILARIOUS to go back through my google history through pregnancy. Stuff you NEVER thought you'd type..)

15. sex

Yep, I'm going there.

**If you're related to me by marriage - consider yourself warned & I'd go ahead and just skip right over this one**

Back to sex.

It's what got you here, right?

Maybe it was whoops sex - or maybe it was scheduled, trying to conceive sex.

Sex during pregnancy is so interesting though.

You'll either WANT it.. often.

You'll forget it exists because you're EXHAUSTED - don't worry this is temporary.

Or want to be FAR from it.. not because of your spouse, but because "HELLO there's a human inside of me."

If you're the latter, let me encourage you.

Take the time to stay romantically connected to your spouse during pregnancy.

Gosh, it's such a special time together before the BIGGEST change in your relationship. Cherish those moments - know you are BEAUTIFUL - and connect with that person you created LIFE with.

*also note that you maybe want to attempt some new positions for comfort. okay, TMI train out!*

Because there's no sex for 6 weeks after baby.

Then after that, it's like a new world finding your sexual "rhythm" again.

So GO for it!

Bow-chicka-bow-wow

16. the wand

Wand.. a WAND?

Like fairy Godmother wand?

"oh Lord, where's she going with this?"

Maybe you're so far passed it that you've already forgotten.

#pregnancybrain

#mombrain

Or maybe you're so early on that you haven't experienced it yet.

Just picture it..

You're FIRST prenatal visit.

You're SO excited for that 8-10 week ultrasound.

You count down the days.

You have butterflies on your way to the office.

You step into the room, heart beating out of your chest & the nurse says "okay, you can go ahead & get undressed from the waist down. Just sit on the table & cover yourself with this sheet."

You think to yourself, "that's weird." But you roll with it.

The, you hop up on the table, prior feelings resume.

The nurse says, "okay, honey. put your put up on here & scoot your bottom down."

You act like everything's normal & you're not at all caught off guard, but on the inside you're thinking "UH, does she KNOW I'm not here for my pap!?!"

THEN, the wand comes out. She squirts some warm lube on the end. And you can imagine the rest.

Meet - the wand.

Fortunately, you don't give two RIPS about the wand because hopefully you're getting to see your precious little bean of a baby for the first time & see a flickering heartbeat.

You're do it over & over again for that magical moment.

Adios, wand!!

Ultrasounds from here on out are on that belly, momma!

(Mamas reading this who have experienced loss - my heart is with you. I'll never forget the moment my world shattered when I saw our first baby on an ultrasound with no heart beat. Your time is coming. Until then, keep believing, dear one)

17. you know I'm just pregnant, right?

Okay so how about this one..

You're out & about, doing your thing.

You're picking up some groceries & at the check out, the bagger asks if you need help carrying those three bags to the car.

Exsqueeze me?

Or, you're at the post office. Mailing back some maternity clothes that don't fit your preggo body. You're standing in line, chilling, & the woman in the front of the line offers you to go in front of her.

Oh thanks.. wait, what?

Come on, now.

What am I, y'all?

That first example was real life OTEN & used to annoy me so much.

I'd tell people - I workout daily so I promise I can carry my groceries..

Seriously, the day I walked out with a watermelon on my hip around 30ish weeks, you would've thought I had a third eye!

The second example is also a true story - it me feel so awkward because I didn't feel like I needed the special treatment. NOW, while it would have been awesome to skip those ten spots to the front of the line, I just couldn't justify it.

It doesn't come from a bad place when people make these offers.

But it DID somehow surprise me every time.

Maybe you'll love the perks & attention.

Or maybe you're like me & you'll need this response saved for constant use.

Because I might have a BELLY, so I'm super hella capable, y'all.

*okay, don't say that out loud*

And this bump doesn't impact my abilities (for the most part),

to stand in line or carry things.

*don't say that quite yet either UNLESS they're persistent*

But this works..

"You know I'm just pregnant, right?"

And go on with your bad self..

18. personal space

Okay this one is the last about PEOPLE.

Can you tell I'm an introvert yet!?? Ha..

You know that normal bubble people have?

The normal space around your body that people respect because, well, it's YOUR friggin BODY?

Yeah.

It disappears when your pregnant.

(& with a baby, but I'll save that for later because I'm still figuring it out)

This, perhaps, infuriated me most.

Mostly because people assume their rights to your body.

People will reach &, if they make contact, touch or rub your belly.

Are you cringing like I am just thinking about it?

Somehow it's forgotten that your belly is an extension of YOU & your personal space - which was TERRIFYING for me.

Nate & I had a long chat about this early on - he finally understood where I was coming from - and would run my "interference" when we were out & about.

#husbandoftheyearagain

So heads up, incase you're a PersonalSpace offender,

but hadn't thought about it before.

Ask first.

Do NOT be offended if you hear, "no thanks."

It's not your right.

It's my body.

Nuff. Said.

19. nesting

Nope - you're not on crack.

Yes, those closets NEED to be reorganized 3 times.

It's totally normal.

You're NESTING, mama.

I'll try to explain it.

The URGE you feel to prepare.

But you just have to experience it.

Suddenly your environment, the one that you've LIVED IN.. that you've possibly been prepping for months, is suddenly NOT clean anymore or ready enough for a baby.

One day you wake up & realize you need to PURGE, POLISH & TIDY..

ev.ry.thing.

Don't feel crazy.

And don't be surprised if your hubby goes through his own version of this.

Nate actually pressure washed our entire house & cleaned the garage before Raegan was born. I might have made the suggestion, but he TOTALLY thought it made sense & obliged. Ha

Nest away, mama bird!

20. mama bear instinct

Speaking of animals.

first a bird, now a bear.

Let's talk about some straight primal instinct.

Oofta!

It's intense.

The innate feeling of responsibility & the engrained need to PROTECT something.. rather someONE you haven't even held in your hands yet. 

If that WAVE of instinct & emotion hasn't quite taken hold yet,

it's just a matter of time.

I remember early on in my pregnancy with Raegan - we were painting her room one night. I was imagining her in it. I was imagining her growing up.

Suddenly..

I was imagining going to bat for her. In the most random scenarios.

Protecting her. Guarding her.

My body got HOT. I started to sweat.

And I was suddenly ready to put the SMACK DOWN on someone for my girl.

..who was nestled in my belly.

You may have thought this would start when the baby was born.

But it actually only intensifies that day.

Don't feel bad.. or weird.

..again.

That instinct.

That intuition.

That line you teeter on.

The readiness to defend & protect..

That GUT feeling.

It's ALWAYS right, as long as that little one is under your care!

Trust it.

It's there for a reason!

21. love

Everyone says this.

And it's completely true.

There's no love like the love for a child.

It's such a privilege.

It's a gift.

It's nearly miraculous.

Becoming a parent uncovers sides of you you NEVER knew existed.

It fills your life with something you didn't know was missing.

The day you get a positive test - the day you see that heartbeat for the first time - the first time you feel a squirm & kick - the moment you go into labor & know it's only a matter of time before you meet that child for the first time - your body & soul is washed over with a love words can't quite describe.

And just when you think it can't grow, your baby is born.

*cue the water works*

________________________________________

Pregnancy.

It's such an incredible, interesting experience that you simple cannot compare to anything else you'll ever go through.

I hope you've enjoyed this post.

I hope you've laughed a little.

I hope you feel prepared.

I hope you feel some solidarity, mama!

 Because I had fun writing this - and reliving my own pregnancy!!

So what's next up in our "THINGS I DIDN'T KNOW BEFORE.." blog series?

Stay tuned!!