Things I Didn't Know Before: Life with a Newborn

You anticipate for what feels like days & months on end.

You do absolutely everything you can to prepare - to the point of seriously running out of a to do list.

You soak up each moment with your spouse, but you've both never been so ready for the next chapter.

You know life as you know it will soon change forever.

But you're dying to meet that baby.

Then, in an instant (well, labor surely isn't an instant.. but that moment RIGHT before the doctor hands you the baby & you lift your eyes to look) EVERYTHING changes.

Welcome to parenthood.

But more specifically, welcome to life with a newborn.

The next couple of months are going to be like nothing

you could have ever fully imagined.

You'll laugh.

You'll cry.

You'll laugh & cry.

You'll feel in love.

You'll feel delusional.

You'll feel clueless.

You'll feel elated.

You'll feel sadness.

You'll feel, well, everything.

And sometimes, you won't even know WHAT you're feeling.

..in a day. HA!

That's because this season of life is ALL consuming.

Of mind, body & spirit.

It's like the hardest test or training you'll ever endure.. at least it is, as far as I've come!

Growing a human was intense.

And pretty darn amazing.

But raising that human & keeping them alive.

Now THAT'S some work!!

So whether you've been there done that.

Or it's coming up soon..

I hope you can read this & laugh a little.

Remember what you freaking survived.

Or catch a glimpse of what you're gearing up for.

It's time to talk about:

Things I Didn't know Before.. Life with a NEWBORN

__________________________________________

Welcome to being a ROOKIE!

You'd think that I wouldn't have felt so clueless since I was a nanny for YEARS, have two little sisters & read a ton of books, right?

..WRONG.

*moms around the world reading this laugh in my virtual face.. HA*

Never in my life have I felt more like a rookie than when I was handed my sweet little bundle & was left to figure out how to keep her alive, breast feed & somehow take care of myself.

What's more..

The feeling of "S*** just got REAL" when you leave the hospital & walk in your front door with an infant car seat is almost enough to make you laugh & cry.

How can I explain it..

It's like that thought when had you brought a puppy home & listened to it cry (more like WAIL) the whole first night.. except times a million.

Just me with our pointer, Tannyn?

Okay - I'm only part serious.

Take heart though!

It really IS amazing - because you DO figure it out!

.. and seriously don't feel bad for feeling like a clueless, guessing chump wether it's your first kid or not (I mean seriously - EVERY child is different!).

Let me STOP you now so you can add something to your mile long to do list!

If you've never watched the show "Life in Pieces," imma need you to go find episode 1 & wait for the short segment on new parents Greg & Jenn. Jenn is seriously my spirit animal & basically EVERYTHING they go through the whole first season is true as a first time parent.

Prepare to laugh your booty off.

You've never googled like this before..

You MIGHT be a new parent if in the same day you google normal sleep noises of babies, tips on removing poop stains from your bedding & what to do with raw or bloody nipples. You also might be a new parent if you pop over to youtube for some techniques on infant fart freeing or baby burrito wrapping tutorials.

The google machine is both a blessing & a curse - but mostly a blessing.

And let me just say.. our parents are the real MVPs for raising babies without probably HALF or more of what we have these days!! Talk about taking a shot in the dark every day.

Honestly, SO much of newborn parenting is guess work + intuition anyways, but having the internet to validate your feelings or at least not feel so alone is incredibly valuable.

Holy night sweats, batman.

Fortunately, I wasn't shocked by this because I had a friend who warned me. But I still remember our first night in the hospital, waking up with INSANE sweat all over my body. I had gone to sleep cold just a few hours before, but woke up later feeling like I IMMEDIATELY needed every piece of clothing off my body!

My night sweats continued for only another week or so, then disappeared. However, that crazy hormone change you go through in the "fourth trimester" definitely makes you generally WARMER than you were before.

You've never wished for gas so hard.

During those first few weeks of life, your sweet babe is going through some MAJOR adjustments & changes (okay.. this never really stops BUT this part is a big deal!).

I feel like aside from working through some intense reflux for several weeks, the HARDEST thing with Rae was the newborn gas!

Their poor little digestive systems are so immature & are trying to digest the milk we're giving them. You take for granted as an adult the ability to let it rip. But those poor little babes will squirm, kick & cry their hardest when those bubbles are trapped.

We wished & PRAYED for that gas to pass.

We tried drops.

We tried massages.

We tried leg pumps/circles.

We tried the windi sticks (which Nate went to 3 stores for at 10pm).

We tried the thermometer technique.

.. we were DESPERATE to figure out how to provide relief.

That is the worst feeling as a parent.

Not being able to help your child.

But like everything else, it eventually passes.. literally. HA!

Hang in there!!

Near narcolepsy?

In my years PB (pre-baby), I wasn't a napper.

I mean - during my first trimester of pregnancy, I most DEFINITELY was.

But typically, I just have never been a big sleeper!

Even falling asleep when being tired was an issue for me at times.

I remember wondering if I'd be able to catch up on sleep occasionally by taking naps after Reagan arrived.

If you're like me - have NO fear.

It's like God gave me this incredible ability for the first month or so to fall asleep INSTANTLY when I got horizontal or closed my eyes.

I'm not even kidding.

SO. FAST.

This trick comes in HANDY when you are trying to squeeze in Z's to break your record of 2 hours at a time.

I think this is probably the closest you ever get to experiencing narcolepsy.. 

It's amazing what you can do half asleep!

Speaking of "sleep."

It's seriously incredible what you can do when you're half asleep from constant exhaustion & living in your new zombie state of existence.

Literally.. all the things.

Feeding.

Eating.

Pumping.

Changing diapers.

Changing clothes.

Rocking.

Washing bottles.

Showering.

..you name it.

Just be careful because ALTHOUGH you're miraculously getting things done, you might accidentally put socks in your refrigerator or body soap in your hair (& forget to rinse it.. true story).

What's a full or warm meal anyways?

Remember when you used to pick up a warm plate & watch the steam come off it in front of you. You'd occasionally even burn your tongue because you weren't patient enough to blow on it..

Well, your taste buds are pretty much safe for the next 3 months because warm meals are a thing of the past - full meals are too, unless you have prepared something in advance or go & pick one up.

Contrary to popular belief, it is PERFECTLY acceptable in the fourth trimester to consider trail mix a balanced meal. Also, a spoonful of Ben & Jerry's each night to lift your dampened yet joy-filled spirit is also okay for at least the first 6 weeks..

Make the switch to cold coffee.

Remember that last blurb about hot food?

Yep, the same applies to your coffee - which is likely decaf or in half doses now if you're breastfeeding anyways.

I'm going to go ahead & save you about 20 trips to the microwave.. a day.

While there's just nothing like a warm cup o joe when you're exhausted & needing a pick me up, you might wanna make the switch for a few months to a delicious cold brew.

Or maybe save that nice, hot mug for the weekends when you & the baby daddy are home together & you've got some extra hands around!

"Sleep when the baby sleeps".. so they say.

I can't tell you how many times I've heard this - but I think I maybe took a nap twice when Rae slept.. like EVER.

Sure, sleep is SO important.

But in those teeny windows of dual hand/mental freedom, you have a choice..

1) Close your eyes and CRASH

2) Try to knock out basic tasks like dishes, laundry or tidying up

3) General self care like a shower or you know.. eating

Usually, one of the latter options won out.

I just couldn't handle feeling like I was swamped & behind in my household - but I also needed the sanity & nourishment of basic self care.

So naps were scarce for us - but you better BELIEVE we learned to cut out nighttime netflix & started to go to bed EARLY.

Because you also just NEVER know those first several weeks what nighttime will bring; whether you'll get a 2-3 or 4-5 hour stretch of sleep.. OR if the baby will somehow know the INSTANT your head hits the pillow & wake up to "rage" for the next 3 hours.

You will sleep when the baby sleeps - at night - in a few weeks.

It'll come!

Witching Hours

*I actually edited this blog post to add this part in. Mom brain is real & so is the newborn life amnesia, because this was a SIGNIFICANT piece of our first two months with Raegan that I WISH I had been more "prepared" for.*

I had literally NEVER heard of this term until after Rae was born. I posted on Facebook that we were having the same, ROUGH few hours every single night & got several responses telling me it was probably some variation of something people call a baby's witching hours.

A HUGE huge part of this was the reflux our poor, sweet girl fought for WEEKS. But MAN, those 3-5 hours every night were so brutal, y'all.

I remember when she would start to get fussy around dinner time & our stomachs would sink, anticipating what was possibly.. and likely coming.

Rocking, bouncing, singing, rubs, baths, talking, swaying, praying - we tried everything. And it took every ounce of our mental & emotional energy each night to make it through. But we did - we made it through as a TEAM.

Lean in to each other! Try not to lose it on your partner when you're at your whits end. It's going to be okay. Take deep breaths. Cry if you need to. Hold that baby tight. Step away & trade off as needed. You're not alone..

A day isn't complete until you're wearing bodily fluids.

In the early days, this applies to everyone in the household..

errrbody's fair game!

Later on this seems to only be a daily mom "perk."

Because somehow, Nate always gets SO lucky & misses those moments.

I remember in my first week or two of breastfeeding, shooting myself, Nate & Raegan in the face with milk one sleepy night when we were working on a latch improvement technique.

It was actually kind of hilarious.

Breast milk (from unexpected or torrential let downs) & spit up will be like your motherhood war paint. Don't fight it.

So stick to nursing bras/tanks & your cute but COMFY lounge wear that you're not super attached to for a while.

OH - and huge tip!

Don't just pack extra clothes for baby in your car or diaper bag. Definitely pack at least an extra top for yourself in each bag/car. You seriously NEVER know when you're going to need it!

Get comfy in the back seat of your car!

Can I just say that I NEVER realized how much time I'd spend in the back seat of our vehicles with a newborn?!

I'm not even kidding - like an HOUR at a time!

I'm guessing it's not quite as long if you aren't breastfeeding, but nonetheless it's a chunk of time.

Yes - I know some of you are picking up your jaw or shaking your head - It took me every bit of an HOUR to nurse + burp Rae on both sides with a diaper change in between. I'm aware that's not ideal, but that's what we did for MONTHS.

So put some water bottles, snacks & sun shades in the back seat.

Make sure you're filled up on gas too..

And if you really wanna get crazy - toss your nursing pillow in the car when you know you're going to be out for a while!

The quickest showers of your life.

Motherhood is the catalyst for a new level of efficiency.

You'll forget everything because #MomBrain, BUT you're multitasking abilities & overall SPEED is about to sky rocket.

Let's talk about the shower..

It's been what feels like 12 days, but is "only" 4, since your last shower..

You feel RACHET & are itching for just a few minutes to RELAX & enjoy warm water against your skin.

You know you're only going to stay clean for about 30 seconds after your shower exit, but you don't care. It's going to change your LIFE for 30 seconds & renew your soul!

So you hop in..

And 30 seconds later, you hear crying.

You pick up speed.

You try to relax, but you hear your husband outside the door shushing the baby.

You know it's a matter of time.

You just need to wash your hair real quick.

Is there time?

Sure there is.. you'll be fast.

You lather up.. finish rinsing off your body & step out.

You go to dry your hair..

CRAP, you forgot to rinse it.

Wait a sec - what did I put in my hair.

Did I ever grab the shampoo bottle?

You realize you used body soap on your hair.

Whatever.. you rinse & get out.

You go to dry your legs.

CRAP, you only shaved one leg.

Whatever.. your baby is losing it & your husband is hinting to see when you're going to be done.

You look at the clock & somehow you only spend 4.5 minutes in the shower attempting a full groom & mental rejuvenation.

Gosh - you're good.

A walking disaster, but good!

Beware of middle of the night feeds shopping.

What's a girl to do when you're up every 2-4 hours in the middle of the night for an hour at a time & trying your hardest to stay awake.

Well - you could FB scroll - nah..

You could try to watch something on the food network - the noise is too risky!

Or, you could just peek instead at one of your favorite stores.. like target.

Or maybe check out amazon - I'm SURE you need a quick prime fix.

OR you could just check some deal sites like JANE or groopdealz to see if there's anything sweet for the baby. It doesn't count as crazy spending if it's "for the baby.." right?

Might be a good idea not to have your wallet close to the bedroom for a bit..

That way you can fill your cart at night - then think about it during the day for a bit to decide if you still need 2 more teethers & another crinkling animal book.

Don't.Look.Down.There.

All I'm going to say is to listen to your midwife or OB when they tell you to let the "area" HEAL for at least 6 weeks.

I made the mistake of peeking around week 3 - not just out of curiosity, but I could tell something was off (I have pelvic floor damage that I had PT for). Generally speaking though, there's NO reason to look early unless you're wanting to be in shock at the aftermath of the miracle your body just performed.

You HAVE to remember - you just went through something MAJOR.

Totally natural, yes, but major nonetheless. 

You must give yourself time to recover.

Our bodies are incredible & they WILL bounce back - but it's going to take longer than you think.

So just.. don't look down there for a while.

And maybe have hubby switch the "you can look but you can't touch" mentality for a couple of months until you're feeling more like yourself!

That's right - don't avoid the touching, mama!!

You need to stay connected to your dude.

But yeah - eyes up HERE.

Write down the milestones because you will NOT remember them.

Write everything down.

Because your best intention of remembering is just not good enough.

You'll think you figured out a way to lock it away in what used to be your steel trap, but a few weeks later you will be completely blank over the matter!

So even if it's on sticky notes on the top of your baby book or even slapped on the fridge temporarily - document them now so you can copy it later into whatever keepsake you've chosen.

You might get a smidgen jealous & really miss your man!

Jealous?

Of the baby?

Hear me out..

You absolutely LOVE the way your man looks at that baby - the way he loves & cares for both of y'all makes you hot & weepy all at once.

But having to start sharing your best friend & other half is NOT an easy adjustment for some, like myself.

I remember watching Nate & Rae together - thinking that they were the cutest duo I had ever seen.

But I also remember thinking - does he notice me anymore? Do I captivate him in the same way? When am I going to get alone time with him??

Gosh I hope I'm encouraging someone else out there.

YES - I think it's perfectly normal to get a little jealous.

Your PERSON is starting to share mental/emotional space + their precious TIME with your sweet little bundle.

You're so glad about it & wouldn't have it any other way, but you're also a bit envious.

Just hang in there - let them bond.

I promise you'll find you rhythm again soon if you make a consistent effort!!!

Do NOT feel guilty for having ALL the feels.

Girl, your body is on a roller coaster ride of a life time as your hormones change, your body is adjusting, your emotions are sky rocketing & your mind is trying to function despite exhaustion.

Sometimes you might feel like you're losing it or crazy from going from being overjoyed to sobbing in minutes.. or even for feeling both at the same time.

It's normal

BUT keep an eye on yourself & make sure you're talking to your partner or a friend and being HONEST about how you feel! Because..

Baby blues are r e a l.

PPD, PTSD, anxiety & baby blues.

They are ALL real & every women is susceptible.

I actually was a little skeptical before having Reagan of whether or not the baby blues were really as intense as some had told me they were.

But a couple of days after coming home - for a couple of WEEKS after having Rae - I would catch myself absolutely SOBBING & feeling down for "no reason." I say no reason with that virtual tone because although I couldn't explain why I felt the way I did, it's no surprise you feel like you're about to break with everything you're trying to process/learn/recover from in a short time.

I still, nearly 10 months postpartum, even deal with extreme anxiety on a daily basis - doing my very best to conceal it from people around me to avoid judgment or skepticism. It flares up with things having to do with Reagan (that you'd probably expect) like leaving her, trusting her with others, safety, driving, exposure to illness, medical decisions, something happening to us - but also down to the SMALLEST daily things (that you may not expect) like feeding, interaction with our dogs or even sleep. 

I know now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it doesn't matter how strong you feel like you are or how amazing your support system is. None of us are "beyond" being susceptible to dealing with one or more of these conditions.

Please be sure to reach out to someone if you need to talk!

Get yourself a postpartum buddy

Speaking of support - it is SO important to have.

So you KNOW you've got the option to confide in someone when you need it.

Find a friend you can text at the most random time (hello, nighttime nursing hours) who is either in the trenches with you or has gone through the same season of life recently.

Being able to talk, ask questions, bounce ideas off another brain or even vent is more therapeutic than you realize. Empathy & a listening ear is everything!

Your dear friends who haven't gone through life with a newborn are so special & you do need them.. BUT, when you barely have time to talk & it's pretty much always about your life in the trenches - there's just nothing like having a postpartum buddy!

Shout out to the girls who got me through - my sister Lauren, Kinsey, Ali, Brittany & Uli. Love y'all!

__________________________________________

That's all for today!

Writing this post flooded my heart & mind with so many memories and feelings from the hardest season of my life. A season that made Nate & I so much stronger as a couple. A season that taught us sacrificial love. A season that started a bond with our little girl that words cannot describe.

 Life with a newborn is certainly a wild ride - but I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat for the love I've found as a mother!

If you missed my first post in my "Things I Didn't Know Before" series, click here! If you have a suggestion for my next post - be sure to drop it in the comments.

Until next time..

Thanks for reading,