every time I read this - I get choked up.
Mommas, you know it's one thing to remember one of the best days of your life through the lens of your own memories. But my gosh - it's another thing to experience it all over again through the recollections of your husband, who was your partner, biggest support & ROCK through the most incredible bonding experience.
I love you.
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" I will never forget the feeling the day
I first saw my sweet Rae on the ultrasound. The first time I saw and
heard her heart beat was like the “shot heard around the world”,
in that, every ounce of my existence suddenly became aware of her
existence and I knew from that moment forward my life would never be
the same. The magnitude of responsibility that lay ahead and the
mental and emotional gravitational pull to her is something that is
unexplainable but, I can say this, my heart felt in cadence with hers
and my mind started racing to walking her down the aisle on her
wedding day and how I would be an emotional wreck to give her away.
Fast forward 7 months…
We are back at the OBGYN to see our midwife, which has been
our normal weekly routine for about 5 weeks. Lindsey is 2 days past
her due date and I am sitting outside the fetal monitoring room where the door remains closed if other patients are in there, which I
hate because I can’t see my baby momma and I feel helpless. Then,
the door to the room opens and I see the nurse come out first with a
look of haste on her face and Lindsey right behind her, eyes wide
open. Lindsey says to me “I think my water broke!" The next
moment was like drinking 10 cups of coffee within seconds, my heart
felt like it was going to beat out of my chest and my hands were shaky.
I had to do my best to contain my excitement because this is an
everyday occurrence for these nurses, but for me, it was the start of
an event that I knew would change my life forever! Well needless to
say, I couldn’t contain my excitement. Part of me was ready for
the nurse to say go to the hospital that little girl is on her way,
but they didn’t; so I stood by anxious and nervous for the plan
ahead. Lindsey and I left the OBGYN and headed toward the house.
Once we got home Lindsey, continued with
her workout routine, and I am thinking, this woman is amazing! Her
tenacity and dedication to a healthy pregnancy was admirable.
Following her work out we decided to go to one of our favorite spots
for lunch, The Donut Hole. We had to make this meal count; it was our
last meal as the two of us and I knew I needed to pack in the
calories because it was most likely going to be a long night.
Throughout the course of the day, I am asking myself when these
contractions are going to start - it’s nearly 2:00pm and
nada…nothing. With a full belly we finished up lunch and headed
home. I finally convinced her we should lay down and take a nap, since we
needed as much rest as we could get for the arrival of our sweet
girl, which to my surprise, she agreed to. I think we woke up around
4 something and still no real contractions, at this point I am beginning
to think this girl is never coming. As Lindsey was getting up she received
a phone call from her friend and I took that as an opportunity to go
over my notes that I had taken from the litany of books we had read
on pregnancy and the birth process. From my time in the military I
have always heard the phrase “fail to prepare, prepare to fail”
and I took that to heart, as this was our first child and we were
going to be laboring at home. What was I thinking you might ask? Not
sure! But I knew that if Lindsey and I were working together in this
we would be fully prepared mentally and physically. My notes covered
the 3 phases of the birth process in detail, outlined the symptoms of each,
timing of contractions, how long each phase should be, what I should
do in the event of an emergency and whatever information I felt
pertinent to be the best husband throughout this process. Around 5:15, I can see Lindsey beginning to get uncomfortable while she was on the
phone with her friend and she motions to me that she may be having a
contraction. I quickly make my way to the bedroom and whip out my
phone for the birth app to start timing her contractions. The
first contraction was nearly 40 seconds long and according to my
notes, this wasn’t supposed to happen until the second phase - all the
while Lindsey is still talking on the phone not skipping a beat. The second contraction comes at 5 minutes, again first phase is supposed
to be 20-30 mins apart; I thought to myself “am I missing
something, I have to be doing this wrong?” At this point I had to
literally force Lindsey off the phone so we, moreso I, could focus
on what was happening. After the second contraction I texted
Lindsey’s mom to give her an update and told her that things were
progressing so she may want to start heading this way. Sure
enough, Lindsey’s third contraction was about 5 mins apart and 40
seconds long. I was asking myself - what happened to the first phase! Then I
told myself, “It doesn’t matter Nate, you are in the moment now”.
I immediately jumped into action, rubbing Lindsey’s back, neck and
legs like we had practiced so many times before (all Lindsey
requests). Over the next three hours Lindsey’s contractions were
faster, longer and more painful. Fortunately, Lindsey’s mom came
over to lend a helping hand and we followed Lindsey around the house
to the point where she had to tell us to give her some space. But
like a moth drawn to a flame, I couldn’t leave my wife’s side. I
stayed an arm’s length away to avoid any unintentional contact, but
close enough to rescue my damsel in distress. I couldn’t believe
how fast the contractions were coming and how long they were lasting,
so I made the decision to load Lindsey up in the car when her
contractions were 2:15 apart.
It took no time loading Lindsey and our pre-packed prepositioned bags up for the 40 minute journey to the hospital. Every step of the labor process the realization that this was actually going to happen was coming to fruition, I had run the driving scenario in my head many times before - what to do in the event the baby comes during the drive, where the bad traffic spots were, that we needed to call the hospital en-route. Fortunately, every light in Panama City Beach was green. But Lindsey’s position in the back seat was causing more pain during the contractions than standing had, so she kneeled down on the floor and rested her head on her moms’ shoulder while I was Dale Ernhart-ing my way through traffic. Lindsey kept saying she felt pressure on her pelvis and I thought for sure we were going to have that baby on the floor of the Tahoe. I was slightly freaking out on the inside but we made it to the hospital with no baby in hand. We pulled up to the front and I hoped out and got Lindsey and asked her if she wanted a wheel chair. I should have known better than to ask that question, her response was simply “no” and I realized that right before my eyes I was watching Lindsey morph into my very own superwoman - and superwoman has no need for a wheelchair. As we made our way up to the second floor, she paused every couple minutes to calmly fight through her contractions. We finally make our way up to Labor and Delivery and began to check-in. As we were checking in, of course, Lindsey is breathing her way through contractions and the nurse at the check in counter seemed to be in no hurry to get Lindsey checked in - all the while I am weathering the greatest internal storm I have ever fought. It reminded me of the sloths at the DMV in the movie “Zootopia”. In what seemed like forever but was only a few short minutes, we moved to our room where I was anxiously waiting for the nurse to come in and check to see how dilated she was and monitor Rae. To my amazement she was only 5cm which meant we had 5 more to go. No big deal, we got this!
Lindsey’s contractions were becoming more intense and her entire body was shaking with each passing contraction. By this point I was stuck to her like velcro, massaging her back and legs and using our 8 sec breathing technique loud enough for her to jump into cadence with my breathing. I knew how important it was going to be for Lindsey to stay hydrated and keep her sugar levels up during this physical, mental and emotional labor process, so in between contractions I offered her lots of water and apple juice and received guidance on the areas that needed massage attention. Lindsey was extremely active during labor…walking around, switching positions and standing - but once a contraction was setting in it took her full attention and all movement stopped. The way she focused on not fighting her contractions with her body and breathing through them was like she had done this 100 times before, it was incredible! The room we were in did not have a bathtub, which Lindsey wanted the option to labor in one to ease the stress on her body, and was roughly 2 hours later before we were moved to a room with a bathtub. It turned out the walk to the other room was exactly what Lindsey’s body needed to catapult her into the last phase of labor.
It took no time loading Lindsey and our pre-packed prepositioned bags up for the 40 minute journey to the hospital. Every step of the labor process the realization that this was actually going to happen was coming to fruition, I had run the driving scenario in my head many times before - what to do in the event the baby comes during the drive, where the bad traffic spots were, that we needed to call the hospital en-route. Fortunately, every light in Panama City Beach was green. But Lindsey’s position in the back seat was causing more pain during the contractions than standing had, so she kneeled down on the floor and rested her head on her moms’ shoulder while I was Dale Ernhart-ing my way through traffic. Lindsey kept saying she felt pressure on her pelvis and I thought for sure we were going to have that baby on the floor of the Tahoe. I was slightly freaking out on the inside but we made it to the hospital with no baby in hand. We pulled up to the front and I hoped out and got Lindsey and asked her if she wanted a wheel chair. I should have known better than to ask that question, her response was simply “no” and I realized that right before my eyes I was watching Lindsey morph into my very own superwoman - and superwoman has no need for a wheelchair. As we made our way up to the second floor, she paused every couple minutes to calmly fight through her contractions. We finally make our way up to Labor and Delivery and began to check-in. As we were checking in, of course, Lindsey is breathing her way through contractions and the nurse at the check in counter seemed to be in no hurry to get Lindsey checked in - all the while I am weathering the greatest internal storm I have ever fought. It reminded me of the sloths at the DMV in the movie “Zootopia”. In what seemed like forever but was only a few short minutes, we moved to our room where I was anxiously waiting for the nurse to come in and check to see how dilated she was and monitor Rae. To my amazement she was only 5cm which meant we had 5 more to go. No big deal, we got this!
Lindsey’s contractions were becoming more intense and her entire body was shaking with each passing contraction. By this point I was stuck to her like velcro, massaging her back and legs and using our 8 sec breathing technique loud enough for her to jump into cadence with my breathing. I knew how important it was going to be for Lindsey to stay hydrated and keep her sugar levels up during this physical, mental and emotional labor process, so in between contractions I offered her lots of water and apple juice and received guidance on the areas that needed massage attention. Lindsey was extremely active during labor…walking around, switching positions and standing - but once a contraction was setting in it took her full attention and all movement stopped. The way she focused on not fighting her contractions with her body and breathing through them was like she had done this 100 times before, it was incredible! The room we were in did not have a bathtub, which Lindsey wanted the option to labor in one to ease the stress on her body, and was roughly 2 hours later before we were moved to a room with a bathtub. It turned out the walk to the other room was exactly what Lindsey’s body needed to catapult her into the last phase of labor.
When we got into the room and Lindsey
positioned herself on the bed, the nurse came back in and checked her
dilation and she was now at 8cm… the nurses were as surprised as I
was at how fast things were moving. It’s hard to describe how time
passed during this process. On one hand it was slow and on the other hand time seemed to slip away (I am sure Lindsey’s side is a bit more
intense). I was so focused on Lindsey and being proactive to her
needs that my mind was not on the near birth of Rae but on the task
at hand. Now that we had access to a tub, Lindsey wanted to try and
relieve some of the pressure so we hopped in the bath but she found
little relief. From the time she got out of the bath and made her
way back into the room she had 2 or 3 contractions causing her to
stop each time. I could tell the contractions were becoming more
intense, her legs were beginning to tighten and give out as she
battled through each contraction - she shifted her weight tirelessly
to find relief but with little effect. Lindsey had returned back to
the bed, with the back of the bed raised to keep her upright as she
rested her elbows on the top with her knees were pressed into the bed.
The contractions were coming hard and fast, so I ran over to my back
pack and grabbed 3 scriptures verses on a note card I had written
down to remind her of how awesome and powerful God is and that she
needed to draw strength from Him. The position Lindsey was in on the bed was the
most comfortable position for her during the contractions, but this
position was causing Rae’s heart rate to drop significantly so she
was forced to lie on her side bringing Rae’s heart rate back within
acceptable limits. As she transitioned to her side, the pressure and
pain increased. Up until now, Lindsey had truly embodied “suffer in
silence,” but she still barely made a sound. The midwife and nurse
were taken aback by how well Lindsey was handling and managing the
pain and her body during labor. I was none the less amazed, my
superwoman was before me!
The time was now
at hand to bring sweet baby Rae into the world! Lindsey was on her
side, the Midwife was in the catching position, the nurse was on her
right side administering oxygen and I was on her left side holding
her knee in the air and breathing with her as she began to push with
each contraction. I kept reminding her that God had created her for
this, to focus on meeting our sweet girl for the first time and to
keep her eye on the prize - and she did just that. She pushed for 45
mins, never once taking her focus off of her purpose and the sweet
life we were bringing into the world. As Rae made her debut, the cord
was wrapped around her neck - which it turns out was the culprit for causing Rae’s
heart rate to drop before. Rae was silent as she entered the world and was
placed on Lindsey’s chest. The nurses scrambled to stimulate Rae, but something wasn’t right; her color was off and her breathing was
labored. My heart was in my socks and I didn’t know what was
happening, but the nurses were extremely professional and calm. The
Midwife asked me if I would like to cut the cord during the controlled
chaos and I thought to myself “how about you take care of my
daughter and don’t worry about me..” But I rushed to cut the cord
because I knew questions would only slow things down. They took Rae
from Lindsey and placed her underneath a heat lamp and began using a
machine to remove fluid from her lungs. The door to the room opened and a nurse came in carrying two huge red bags and headed straight
for Rae. I didn’t know what was happening. I was trying to remain
calm for Lindsey, but couldn’t take my eyes and my thoughts off Rae.
Things seemed to calmed down, but since they had to place Rae on the
machine, they were required to take her to the NICU. I followed her
back and I was praying to God that he would take care of this
situation, and He did just that! Once she arrived at the NICU a nurse
came to her side quickly and rolled her to another machine. She
observed her for a few minutes before placing any equipment on her
(if any equipment was placed on her mandatory 24 hr in NICU). The
nurse said that whatever was happening after she was born up until now - she didn't see any more signs of breathing or fluid issues. “She is free
to go” - Praise God! My ghost-like appearance from the anxiety and
uncertainty began to take on a more lifelike resemblance. I was
beaming with excitement as I floated down the hallway to tell Lindsey
the great news. We greatly anticipated the arrival of our third wheel
(Jk) and Rae showed up about 20 mins later - we were united as a
family of 3. I knew from that moment forward that my job as a husband
and father, to tend and keep my garden (Genesis 2), was at hand.."
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I hope you enjoyed reading this half as much as I did.
Thanks for stopping by!
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