Our Birth Story: Told From a Husband's Perspective

birth story, birth stories, natural birth, natural birth story

every time I read this - I get choked up.

Mommas, you know it's one thing to remember one of the best days of your life through the lens of your own memories. But my gosh - it's another thing to experience it all over again through the recollections of your husband, who was your partner, biggest support & ROCK through the most incredible bonding experience.

Nathan, thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to write down these precious moments - I will cherish them forever.

I love you.
______________________________________________


" I will never forget the feeling the day I first saw my sweet Rae on the ultrasound. The first time I saw and heard her heart beat was like the “shot heard around the world”, in that, every ounce of my existence suddenly became aware of her existence and I knew from that moment forward my life would never be the same. The magnitude of responsibility that lay ahead and the mental and emotional gravitational pull to her is something that is unexplainable but, I can say this, my heart felt in cadence with hers and my mind started racing to walking her down the aisle on her wedding day and how I would be an emotional wreck to give her away.


Fast forward 7 months…


We are back at the OBGYN to see our midwife, which has been our normal weekly routine for about 5 weeks. Lindsey is 2 days past her due date and I am sitting outside the fetal monitoring room where the door remains closed if other patients are in there, which I hate because I can’t see my baby momma and I feel helpless. Then, the door to the room opens and I see the nurse come out first with a look of haste on her face and Lindsey right behind her, eyes wide open. Lindsey says to me “I think my water broke!" The next moment was like drinking 10 cups of coffee within seconds, my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest and my hands were shaky. I had to do my best to contain my excitement because this is an everyday occurrence for these nurses, but for me, it was the start of an event that I knew would change my life forever! Well needless to say, I couldn’t contain my excitement. Part of me was ready for the nurse to say go to the hospital that little girl is on her way, but they didn’t; so I stood by anxious and nervous for the plan ahead. Lindsey and I left the OBGYN and headed toward the house.


Once we got home Lindsey, continued with her workout routine, and I am thinking, this woman is amazing! Her tenacity and dedication to a healthy pregnancy was admirable. Following her work out we decided to go to one of our favorite spots for lunch, The Donut Hole. We had to make this meal count; it was our last meal as the two of us and I knew I needed to pack in the calories because it was most likely going to be a long night. Throughout the course of the day, I am asking myself when these contractions are going to start - it’s nearly 2:00pm and nada…nothing. With a full belly we finished up lunch and headed home. I finally convinced her we should lay down and take a nap, since we needed as much rest as we could get for the arrival of our sweet girl, which to my surprise, she agreed to. I think we woke up around 4 something and still no real contractions, at this point I am beginning to think this girl is never coming. As Lindsey was getting up she received a phone call from her friend and I took that as an opportunity to go over my notes that I had taken from the litany of books we had read on pregnancy and the birth process. From my time in the military I have always heard the phrase “fail to prepare, prepare to fail” and I took that to heart, as this was our first child and we were going to be laboring at home. What was I thinking you might ask? Not sure! But I knew that if Lindsey and I were working together in this we would be fully prepared mentally and physically. My notes covered the 3 phases of the birth process in detail, outlined the symptoms of each, timing of contractions, how long each phase should be, what I should do in the event of an emergency and whatever information I felt pertinent to be the best husband throughout this process. Around 5:15, I can see Lindsey beginning to get uncomfortable while she was on the phone with her friend and she motions to me that she may be having a contraction. I quickly make my way to the bedroom and whip out my phone for the birth app to start timing her contractions. The first contraction was nearly 40 seconds long and according to my notes, this wasn’t supposed to happen until the second phase - all the while Lindsey is still talking on the phone not skipping a beat. The second contraction comes at 5 minutes, again first phase is supposed to be 20-30 mins apart; I thought to myself “am I missing something, I have to be doing this wrong?” At this point I had to literally force Lindsey off the phone so we, moreso I, could focus on what was happening. After the second contraction I texted Lindsey’s mom to give her an update and told her that things were progressing so she may want to start heading this way. Sure enough, Lindsey’s third contraction was about 5 mins apart and 40 seconds long. I was asking myself - what happened to the first phase! Then I told myself, “It doesn’t matter Nate, you are in the moment now”. I immediately jumped into action, rubbing Lindsey’s back, neck and legs like we had practiced so many times before (all Lindsey requests). Over the next three hours Lindsey’s contractions were faster, longer and more painful. Fortunately, Lindsey’s mom came over to lend a helping hand and we followed Lindsey around the house to the point where she had to tell us to give her some space. But like a moth drawn to a flame, I couldn’t leave my wife’s side. I stayed an arm’s length away to avoid any unintentional contact, but close enough to rescue my damsel in distress. I couldn’t believe how fast the contractions were coming and how long they were lasting, so I made the decision to load Lindsey up in the car when her contractions were 2:15 apart.


It took no time loading Lindsey and our pre-packed prepositioned bags up for the 40 minute journey to the hospital. Every step of the labor process the realization that this was actually going to happen was coming to fruition, I had run the driving scenario in my head many times before - what to do in the event the baby comes during the drive, where the bad traffic spots were, that we needed to call the hospital en-route. Fortunately, every light in Panama City Beach was green. But Lindsey’s position in the back seat was causing more pain during the contractions than standing had, so she kneeled down on the floor and rested her head on her moms’ shoulder while I was Dale Ernhart-ing my way through traffic. Lindsey kept saying she felt pressure on her pelvis and I thought for sure we were going to have that baby on the floor of the Tahoe. I was slightly freaking out on the inside but we made it to the hospital with no baby in hand. We pulled up to the front and I hoped out and got Lindsey and asked her if she wanted a wheel chair. I should have known better than to ask that question, her response was simply “no” and I realized that right before my eyes I was watching Lindsey morph into my very own superwoman - and superwoman has no need for a wheelchair. As we made our way up to the second floor, she paused every couple minutes to calmly fight through her contractions. We finally make our way up to Labor and Delivery and began to check-in. As we were checking in, of course, Lindsey is breathing her way through contractions and the nurse at the check in counter seemed to be in no hurry to get Lindsey checked in - all the while I am weathering the greatest internal storm I have ever fought. It reminded me of the sloths at the DMV in the movie “Zootopia”. In what seemed like forever but was only a few short minutes, we moved to our room where I was anxiously waiting for the nurse to come in and check to see how dilated she was and monitor Rae. To my amazement she was only 5cm which meant we had 5 more to go. No big deal, we got this!


Lindsey’s contractions were becoming more intense and her entire body was shaking with each passing contraction. By this point I was stuck to her like velcro, massaging her back and legs and using our 8 sec breathing technique loud enough for her to jump into cadence with my breathing. I knew how important it was going to be for Lindsey to stay hydrated and keep her sugar levels up during this physical, mental and emotional labor process, so in between contractions I offered her lots of water and apple juice and received guidance on the areas that needed massage attention. Lindsey was extremely active during labor…walking around, switching positions and standing - but once a contraction was setting in it took her full attention and all movement stopped. The way she focused on not fighting her contractions with her body and breathing through them was like she had done this 100 times before, it was incredible! The room we were in did not have a bathtub, which Lindsey wanted the option to labor in one to ease the stress on her body, and was roughly 2 hours later before we were moved to a room with a bathtub. It turned out the walk to the other room was exactly what Lindsey’s body needed to catapult her into the last phase of labor.


When we got into the room and Lindsey positioned herself on the bed, the nurse came back in and checked her dilation and she was now at 8cm… the nurses were as surprised as I was at how fast things were moving. It’s hard to describe how time passed during this process. On one hand it was slow and on the other hand time seemed to slip away (I am sure Lindsey’s side is a bit more intense). I was so focused on Lindsey and being proactive to her needs that my mind was not on the near birth of Rae but on the task at hand. Now that we had access to a tub, Lindsey wanted to try and relieve some of the pressure so we hopped in the bath but she found little relief. From the time she got out of the bath and made her way back into the room she had 2 or 3 contractions causing her to stop each time. I could tell the contractions were becoming more intense, her legs were beginning to tighten and give out as she battled through each contraction - she shifted her weight tirelessly to find relief but with little effect. Lindsey had returned back to the bed, with the back of the bed raised to keep her upright as she rested her elbows on the top with her knees were pressed into the bed. The contractions were coming hard and fast, so I ran over to my back pack and grabbed 3 scriptures verses on a note card I had written down to remind her of how awesome and powerful God is and that she needed to draw strength from Him. The position Lindsey was in on the bed was the most comfortable position for her during the contractions, but this position was causing Rae’s heart rate to drop significantly so she was forced to lie on her side bringing Rae’s heart rate back within acceptable limits. As she transitioned to her side, the pressure and pain increased. Up until now, Lindsey had truly embodied “suffer in silence,” but she still barely made a sound. The midwife and nurse were taken aback by how well Lindsey was handling and managing the pain and her body during labor. I was none the less amazed, my superwoman was before me!


The time was now at hand to bring sweet baby Rae into the world! Lindsey was on her side, the Midwife was in the catching position, the nurse was on her right side administering oxygen and I was on her left side holding her knee in the air and breathing with her as she began to push with each contraction. I kept reminding her that God had created her for this, to focus on meeting our sweet girl for the first time and to keep her eye on the prize - and she did just that. She pushed for 45 mins, never once taking her focus off of her purpose and the sweet life we were bringing into the world. As Rae made her debut, the cord was wrapped around her neck - which it turns out was the culprit for causing Rae’s heart rate to drop before. Rae was silent as she entered the world and was placed on Lindsey’s chest. The nurses scrambled to stimulate Rae, but something wasn’t right; her color was off and her breathing was labored. My heart was in my socks and I didn’t know what was happening, but the nurses were extremely professional and calm. The Midwife asked me if I would like to cut the cord during the controlled chaos and I thought to myself “how about you take care of my daughter and don’t worry about me..” But I rushed to cut the cord because I knew questions would only slow things down. They took Rae from Lindsey and placed her underneath a heat lamp and began using a machine to remove fluid from her lungs. The door to the room opened and a nurse came in carrying two huge red bags and headed straight for Rae. I didn’t know what was happening. I was trying to remain calm for Lindsey, but couldn’t take my eyes and my thoughts off Rae. Things seemed to calmed down, but since they had to place Rae on the machine, they were required to take her to the NICU. I followed her back and I was praying to God that he would take care of this situation, and He did just that! Once she arrived at the NICU a nurse came to her side quickly and rolled her to another machine. She observed her for a few minutes before placing any equipment on her (if any equipment was placed on her mandatory 24 hr in NICU). The nurse said that whatever was happening after she was born up until now - she didn't see any more signs of breathing or fluid issues. “She is free to go” - Praise God! My ghost-like appearance from the anxiety and uncertainty began to take on a more lifelike resemblance. I was beaming with excitement as I floated down the hallway to tell Lindsey the great news. We greatly anticipated the arrival of our third wheel (Jk) and Rae showed up about 20 mins later - we were united as a family of 3. I knew from that moment forward that my job as a husband and father, to tend and keep my garden (Genesis 2), was at hand.."

______________________________________________
I hope you enjoyed reading this half as much as I did.

If you'd like to read my personal natural birth story, click here & here!

Thanks for stopping by!



Raising Littles: An Excuse or Fitness FUEL

80 day obsession, 80 day obsession progress, progress photos, postpartum fitness, breastfeeding, postpartum exercise, beachbody on demand

Your E X C U S E..
..or your F U E L


You decide.


It doesn’t have to be kids though..
It could be your spouse.

Your friends.
Your family.
Your work/schedule.
You name it..



It can either be the reason you never start or always stop.
Or it can be the reason you do it anyways & start acting with purpose.

In my season of life, this precious {but demanding} little nugget could absolutely be the reason I quit, waited for a “better time” or take it easy.

I mean.. sleepless nights, breastfeeding, clogged ducts, baby colds & more are ALL the reason NOT to, right?

Until I got myself a bit of perspective.

It’s my oxygen mask.
My full cup.
My best self that I (1) enjoy reaping the benefits from like confidence
(2) honor the Lord through
(3) give back to my family, work & friends.


So toss the excuses & focus on what fuels you 🤛🏻

{PS: my 9 week progress photos + stats for 80 Day Obsession are DONE & I can't wait to share them with you soon. Stay tuned!! FOUR weeks left!}


Chocolate Peanut Butter Bites: 80 Day Obsession Approved Recipe

chocolate peanut butter bites, fixate recipes, 80 day obsession recipes, 21 day fix recipes, 21 day fix extreme recipes, 80 day obsession

Chocolate Peanut Butter BITES

Ahhhh, another week of this 80 day program down &
another "refeed" {aka glycogen boost} day is UP.

Read more about what the heck we're doing HERE in my post about 80 Day Obsession!

I decided to choose a new approved treat to try this week - although the chickpea brownies I've made twice now are my SOULMATE SNACK - so they better be good, right??

This recipe is actually from my trainer for these 13 weeks - who also just so happens to be the creator of a life-changing meal/recipe plan called "fixate" that I've been following for a larger part of the past 3 years.

Any meal plan that allows some freedom for chocolate & peanut butter is a win in my book, am I right!?

I'm slapping my own name on these tasty nuggets + sharing a couple of my own personal tweaks. BUT.. I gotta give credit to my girl Autumn for being the OG creator of this one!

chocolate peanut butter bites, fixate recipes, 80 day obsession recipes, 21 day fix recipes, 21 day fix extreme recipes, 80 day obsession

Ready for the recipe??
Here we go..

Ingredients:

1 cup All-Natural Peanut Butter
(the original recipe called for smooth, but I went CHUNKY!)
1 tbsp Cornstarch
3/4 cup Coconut Flour
2 tbsp pure maple syrup
(next time I'll probably try honey or agave instead)
8 oz. Semi Sweet Chocolate, 62% cocoa or higher, chopped
2 tsp extra virgin organic coconut oil, unrefined
*I also used a little pink himalayan sea salt!*

Directions:

Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper & set to the side.

Combine the peanut butter, cornstarch, coconut flour & maple syrup in a bowl; stir with a spatula until the mixture forms a uniform dough.

 

Using {clean.. duh} hands, shape the dough into 24 one inch balls. If you want to make the next step easier, place a toothpick in the center of each ball.
Place the balls on the prepared baking sheet & refrigerate for about 20 minutes.


Fill a small pot with about 2 inches of water. Bring the water to a boil over high heat, then reduce to low.

Place a heat-proof mixing bowl over the pot & add the chocolate and coconut oil. Stir for 2 to 3 minutes, or until just melted.


Remove balls from the refrigerator.
If you used them, hold a ball by the toothpick and dip into chocolate, swirling to completely coat. I personally just rolled them in the chocolate & dropped them on the sheet. It's a bit messier, but I like working with my hands.

 

Return to baking sheet. Repeat with each ball.

If you want to amp up your flavah, sprinkle a SMALL amount of himalayan salt on the balls, before the next step.

Refrigerate for at least 1 hour, or until chocolate has hardened.

Finally, store in airtight container & try not to eat them all!

They are SO darn good, y'all.

chocolate peanut butter bites, fixate recipes, 80 day obsession recipes, 21 day fix recipes, 21 day fix extreme recipes, 80 day obsession

These are most definitely still a TREAT, so remember moderation & savor one at a time.

For my readers who are following the fixate plan, one of these is equal to a "yellow container."

If you're working through 80 Day Obsession like we are, one of these is equal to a "dirty yellow container" ONLY on your refeed day!

 Give these a try & let me know what you think!

They're HEAVENLY.


30 Day Pray for your Spouse Challenge


I wish I had thought about posting this earlier in the week, but better late than never!

A couple of years ago, my campus pastor's wife gave me a couple of sheets of paper. We were in the middle of a group marriage study, but she told me these pieces of paper were full of ways I could pray of my husband for 30 days.

I remember thinking initially "well, I'm already praying for him." But as I read through each daily prayer topic in private later, I realized how much more specifically I could be praying for my partner.

I embarked on a 30 day prayer journey, without telling my husband.
I lifted him up daily to the Father.
Praying over him with great intentionality.

And God answered.
Not overnight.
But over the course of these past two years, it's been amazing to see such progress in each & every topic unfold in the (spiritual) life of my precious husband.

I'm ready to do it again.
But not alone.
I'd like to partner with other sisters in Christ.

Remember - There is SO much power in prayer!!

Through prayer, we give thanks, ask for forgiveness & even seek protection for our spouse/marriages.

There is an evil one in our world - the devil - who the bible reminds us wants to steal, kill & destroy.
BUT, God intends our marriages to THRIVE.
And to reflect the gracious, selfless, sacrificial relationship between Christ & the church.
How BEAUTIFUL that is 

So let's commit to daily, intentional prayer this month.
We started on Thursday, March 15th, but you can absolutely join us now.

Simply add me as a friend on Facebook HERE & send me a message to join the 30 day prayer challenge!

 I'm so excited to hear how God is going to work!!


Our Big News: We're #GhoensToGuam


You as shocked as we are?!

You read that right.. come fall of this year, we're #GhoensToGUAM

You know that verse in the bible about God being in control..
oh wait, that's ALL of it. HA

More specifically, in Proverbs 16:9 we're reminded that we make plans in our hearts, but GOD directs our steps.

So let's talk about that a bit..

Last year, we made the decision to choose California as our next military assignment. We even downsized both cars because of how "certain" we were at one time that we'd go there next.

We thought, "what a new adventure for our family."
"Yeah, it'll be different going ALL the way to the west coast (HA),
but we can do it!!"

Little did we know, that mental & heart shift was preparing us for a bigger one down the road.

This week, the needs of the Navy changed our plans.
But God wasn't surprised by that at all.

We knew that technically an overseas option might present itself.
But we were told that chances weren't too terribly high.
So we put it on the mental back burner & kept on with our "plans."

I did, however, text a couple of my friends for some wisdom.
..and a little out of POSSIBLE panic.
Being totally honest, I was hoping they'd even send up a selfish prayer or two for us to be out of the "running" for one of those overseas spots.

My sweet friends Jessica & Malerie reminded me that no matter WHERE we would go, to be confident that God has already gone before us & hand picked our next home. That He is already setting up our friends & community for us. "Supernatural comfort" was even prayed over us.

I'm in tears typing this because.. praise Jesus for sweet friendships!! Love you two!

Mean while, God kept putting other things before me..
Even reading Facebook posts from friends about similar testimonies.
My sweet friend Lindsey wrote about their family's recent transition & how CLEAR it is to her know that He intentionally provided so much for them RIGHT where they are.

I would read things like that & hope that God was just reminding me of His character - but not for the underlying specific reason I began to feel in my spirit that it was for.

This Monday I woke up just KNOWING something different..
Nate was supposed to contact the detailer & chat about our next home.
We were honestly open to anything stateside - in Virginia or California.
And I NEEDED it to be one of those.
The fearful part of me did..

But Nate came home from work, we laid Reagan down for a late nap & sat at the (card) table to eat.

Before I could take the first bite, he said the words..

"I called the detailer today. And we're going to Guam."

It was the weirdest combination of shock of watching the words come out of his mouth that I had hoped he would't say, but also a complete lack of surprise because something in my gut (HELLO, Holy Spirit) just knew..

 I said ok.
And asked several logistical questions.
I quickly texted my friends who had been praying for us.
Talked a few more minutes with Nate.
Then excused myself.
Closed myself in my closet.
And wept.

I KNOW this is no accident.
I'm CONFIDENT in the provision of God.
I believe He has a PURPOSE for this.

But still, my heart broke a little.
Thinking of the time (moreso than if we were stationed in the US) that we'll be spending apart as a family for the next three years.

Fortunately for me - one of my oldest friends was available to chat.
And she listened..
But then she made me laugh.
She has just the words I needed to hear.

So I got the tears out of my system.
Then I came out & found Nate who was ready to hug me.

I told him with red eyes and a snotty nose that we were going to be just fine.
We'll make it work.
And we'll look back in 10 years & think about the memories we made.

THIS was the adventure our hearts were being prepared for.
This was the place of obedience & surrender that God wanted us to be at.
Now I know.

Yes.
We'll be FAR from family & our dear friends.

Yes.
We'll be separated more from each other.

But even MORE Yes..
God is in control.
He ordained this.
We have been called by the LORD before the US military to Guam.
It will be our home.. our place of work.. our next adventure.. our mission field.

So while I might need some occasional encouragement as we prepare our minds & hearts PLUS start this crazy process of preparing to move across the world - I'm looking FORWARD with anticipation of excitement to come & seeing what God has in store for us.

Friends, we covet your prayers!
Prayers for smooth preparation.
Prayers for travel mercies.
Prayers as we coordinate things for our pets.
Prayers as we find a new home.
Prayers as we separate from Florida.
Prayers for PRECIOUS quality time here before we leave & there after we move.
Prayer for protection.
Prayer for a heart of OBEDIENCE.
Prayer for a spirit of willingness.
Prayer for opportunity to love, serve & minister.

You're part of launching us.
So we thank you in advance.

And for anyone who's "been there, done that."
Feel free to hit me up with all your tips & tricks.

And be sure to follow us on Facebook or IG for the latest on our new adventure!!

The countdown is on..








Spinach Strawberry Banana Pancakes: 80 Day Obsession Approved Recipe

pancakes, pancakes recipe, 80 day obsession recipe, fixate recipe, 21 day fix recipe, 21 day fix extreme recipe


P A N C A K E S 


I kid you not.. they’re always nostalgic to me.
Comfort & soul food right on a plate!!



Pancakes mean:

My favorite meal
{besides tacos, of course}
They mean family time 
They mean late night dinners
They means slow Saturday mornings

I didn’t want to skip one of my favorites for 13 weeks straight during this program we’re following {read about 80 Day Obsession here}, & lucky for me, hubby found a solution!

>> Spinach Banana & Strawberry Pancakes <<


I know, I know..
GREEN pancakes.

You can't help but stop & stare, right?
And probably also wonder, "are they any good though?"

The fun coloring you see in these photos is 100% natural - from all the healthy & delicious ingredients inside of these EASY to make pancakes!

You ready for the deets!?

pancakes, pancakes recipe, 80 day obsession recipe, fixate recipe, 21 day fix recipe, 21 day fix extreme recipe

INGREDIENTS:

1/2 cup strawberries
1/4 cup kodiak cake mix
{Or you could use another protein pancake or waffle mix, I'm sure. I used a half serving!}
1/4 banana
2 eggs
1 cup raw spinach

DIRECTIONS:

..here's how seriously easy these are.

Grab ALL dem ingredients.
Dump them in the blender.


Blend until you get a SMOOTH, green "batter."


Pour the mixture into 3" pancakes on a hot griddle.
{use coconut oil spray to grease the griddle just in case!}


Be careful if you step away - these cook QUICK.
Don't be alarmed by the brown coloring, it won't affect the taste!

pancakes, pancakes recipe, 80 day obsession recipe, fixate recipe, 21 day fix recipe, 21 day fix extreme recipe

Flip & finish those suckers.

pancakes, pancakes recipe, 80 day obsession recipe, fixate recipe, 21 day fix recipe, 21 day fix extreme recipe

Top with a bit of nut butter & or fruit.
CHOW DOWN!

This recipe is for ONE serving & makes about 6 pancakes.

For my friends working through 80 Day Obsession or any of the Beachbody programs that follow a variation of the "fixate" meal plan, one serving of these pancakes {with nut butter} counts as:

1 Red + 1 Yellow + 1 Purple + 1 Green + 1 TSP

Sorry for Being a Bad Friend: A Letter from a Mom in the Trenches


Hey Girl,

I'm so sorry we haven't spoken in forever - it's almost embarrassing.
I've gotten your texts & have seen your missed phone calls.
I always MEAN to respond..
But I forget.
Sometimes I plan to call you back..
But I wonder if my "window" of time long enough to chat?
 Or think, "will she hear the babe in the background & get flustered?"
"will I hear the babe & be able to focus?"
"do I even have anything NEW to say or share?"

I have this desire to explain..
To share my heart.
It's hard to put into words..
But I'll try.

So much has changed.
Myself included.
I mean, I'm still very much so me.
But also someone entirely different at the same time.

I know we talked years ago about what life would be like one day when we started families. We laughed & made plans - we said nothing would change.
And while my love for you definitely hasn't,
I know I'm a crummy friend right now.

I forget to send birthday cards.
I read texts & forget to reply.. or do so weeks later.
I plan to call you before bed, but then crash before 10 next to my breast pump.
I haven't made a play date.. in ages.
& I literally can't remember our last "girls night" to watch the Bachelor.
It's just reality right now.

I love it though.
I really, truly do.
It sounds rougher than it is.
It's the guilt that's hardest, I think.
Or maybe the pressure to be what I'm not or can't be right now.

The "will she understand?"
Or "gosh, I hope she's not upset or disappointed with me.."
I'm probably projecting that on myself though.
Or maybe there's a little truth there?
But goodness - guilt is the last things us mamas need.
So I need to free myself of it.
And I hope you understand, friend.

Because you see, our babies are only teeny once.
My day might revolve around the schedule, or lack there of, of my child now.
But one day, this little will be big.

And while I know I'll enjoy the freedom that comes with independence in time, I'll crave the "mama mama" with hands around my ankles while trying to get ready for the day.. the middle of the night feedings leading to slow, sleepy mornings.. the mental leaps that lead to long baby wearing snuggles.. the cancelled plans that lead to special memories at home.

I. Will. Miss. Them.
I do just thinking about it.

These sweet but very demanding days will be but a memory in time - ones that I'll relive with the fondest feelings & a full heart.

So the truth is, I'm not wishing the time away.
I'm owning & embracing being a bad friend.

But it's just for a season.
They'll grow up.
Or I'll get "better" at this mama thing.
Wait for me, okay?

We'll sip coffee or have a glass of wine again.
We'll make day dates to shop or just sit and TALK.
We'll plan weekend trips with our fellas.
..one day.
It'll come!

For now..
I'm cherishing these stir crazy, hot mess, hermit days at home.
Finding joy in the crazy, circus, never ending days on the go.

I'm in the trenches, figuring out parenthood.
I'm on a journey of raising a little human.
I'm instilling love, respect, kindness & morals.

It's a big job.
And it requires nearly my entire being.
I'm honored to give it right now.

Despite the occasional feelings I have of living a slightly mundane life,
I realize how profound my role is & I would literally trade it for nothing.

Despite feeling like I might be missing out on ME time - I know I'm RIGHT where I need to be & where I'll want to remember.

But sweet friend..
Please know that I love you.
I care for you & hope you're doing well.
I'd love to catch up one day.
And hear all about the excitement & happenings of YOU!

Until that time, give this mama some grace.
Be patient with me.
Because I'm so anxious & tired it's insane.
But I'm also in love with this crazy chapter of life.

We'll connect again soon.
I know we will.