Motherhood is straight Gangster

When I took this photo & wrote this post, I was four weeks into postpartum life with a newborn.. I hope it speaks to someone who is in this season! You're not alone, sweet momma!!

"Attempt #5 this week at my to-do list 🖐🏻

Please continue to be patient and give me grace y'all as I learn to balance life with my business + social media 💕 I'm going to be super honest for a minute.

You know I can't help but keep it real and I feel like I owe it to all my friends who are soon to be moms or those who have recently had babes not to hold back in parenting.

I'm pretty new in this mom world, so I'm NOT going to try to act like I have it all figured out or that I understand all of the pains of motherhood.
While this is the most >>incredible<< love that I could have ever ever imagined, this is by far the hardest season of my life.

So many pieces of being a mother are natural -- because I really believe God created us to do this. 
That's the whole reason I was so passionate about a healthy pregnancy, natural delivery & breastfeeding. I KNOW God made me for this.

But sooooo much of it is also learned through failure, frustration, endless googling & countless tears.

Before Raegan Grace was born..
I anticipated a challenge.
I anticipated some tears.
I anticipated having to eventually ask for help.
And I anticipated life adjusting for this sweet baby.

I honestly wasn't prepared though for exactly how hard, draining and lonely even this can be.

People unfortunately don't share all of the dark and dirty corners of raising a newborn.

Part of that is probably because everyone's story and journey is different, but I wonder if another part of it comes from a place of feeling *guilty* to admit their feelings. Especially when you have a "difficult" baby.

There have been so many moments I've had to put this sweet girl down and walk away with my face in my hands feeling so frustrated.. having to let her scream in her crib.

These moments are followed about 30 seconds to 5 minutes later with me walking back to her with open arms & in tears, feeling absolutely terrible for how I could get upset with this precious bundle.

Then it's back to endless kisses, stares & snuggles.


How could I be SO frustrated & so in love and HAPPY at all once!?

Am I a bad mom?
Is something wrong with me??

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say no.

I've told many friends this before, but taking your own advice is hard sometimes right!?

So are things going to change.
Eh, I'm guessing no.

I see this journey evolving into a different version of THESE feelings as RG grows & goes through different stages of life - and therefore, different hardships//learning curves.

That could be hopeless if we let it be. But heres what I'm holding onto..

I think.. no, I KNOW I'll learn how to lean on the Lord more. How to continually find joy. Learning I let things go. When to give myself grace. How to exercise patience. Keeping myself a priority for my family. And knowing when I need to fill back up each day.

Motherhood is straight gangster.
But I'd choose it over & over again.

Sweet girl.
How about we give each other grace.
And keep learning together.
You are more precious to me than gold.
I love you to the moon & back, RaeRae!!!"

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